Something From Nothing

Unfuckingbelievable

Achilles Morgan

Anger was a silent huntress looming in the night, ready to strike when you least expected it. She hovered over you like morning fog, clouding your judgment. She deceived you whenever she willed. You saw a threat and she saw a game. One moment it's there and the next it's gone, leaving a trail of regret.

Fury boiled deep in my system, as hot as lava. It churned within, hungry for destruction, and I know it was too much for me to handle. The pressure of this raging sea of enmity would force me to say things I did not mean, or to express thoughts I've suppressed for weeks.

I was usually so in control. I could control my emotions better than anyone. I had to.

Even in Logan's room when he touched me and tried to talk to me I felt as though everything over the past few weeks caught up with me. Every suppressed emotion just washed over me like a wave, holding my head under the water as I fought to break the surface but no matter how much I kicked and screamed water kept forcing its way into my lungs.

I know I had to get out of Logan's way before I erupted in my state but as usual, he didn't let me get far. I was so close, a boiling pot brimming just on the edge. I knew that the feeling would pass, but while it hadn't, I was well aware I could really hurt him. So I tried to escape. I ran.

He should have just let me go.

Why didn't he let me go?

The second he accused me of not wanting him or claiming he knew me my patience broke in two. I was blinded by a five-course serving of rage that tasted bitter, yet surprisingly satisfying.

Standing barely inches away from him, I jabbed a finger into his chest. "You've lived a fucking perfect life, I'm pretty sure you don't even know the definition of pain. You don't know what it's like to wake up every morning terrified for your life, worried about whether or not this was the last time you'll see the sunlight. You don't know what it's like to be barely eight years old and be left alone with no one. You don't know how it feels to be lost in the middle of nowhere, with half of your face shredded and surrounded by monsters."

Somewhere in the back of my mind I was vaguely aware we were no longer alone but I couldn't find it in me to stop. I felt like a firework, my fuse had been lit and there was no way to stop me until I inevitably exploded.

"Not once have you ever had to go days and weeks without food or water. You don't know what it's like to be judged and outcasted because of something that wasn't even your fault. You don't know what it's like to be constantly on your guard in fear of being taken by the creatures lurking in the dark."

My hands lifted and I wrapped my fingers around the edges of Logan's jacket. I looked up and his sad eyes met mine. His face was pale with fear and pity. I hated it. I despised that look on his face but I couldn't tear my eyes away. "I've been beaten. I've been tortured. I've been broken so many times that I don't even remember what it feels like to be whole."

As the anger seeped out of me sadness replaced it. The tears I fought now spilled down my cheeks but I didn't even have it in me to wipe them away. "I became a monster to defend myself. I've stolen, I've cheated and on more than one occasion I've killed but only because I didn't have any other choice. So you can judge me, you can scream at me, you can even hate me but keep in mind that the only way to survive out there is to become what you fear most."

Releasing him, I took a step back and rubbed my hands over my face, wiping away the tears that just wouldn't stop falling. "So no Logan, I don't deserve you. I don't deserve to be mated with someone who is every bit the man I never was or will be. I'm really not worth the effort, I'm not even worth the air I breathe but..." My voice trails off and I shake my head unable to say the words that want to be spoken.