My Ruin

28. Consume Me

Ashanti's POV

2 days later...

I hadn't heard from Trey in two days.

I've tried texting and calling, but he never even gave me the time of day.

I couldn't force him to talk to me, but I just wish that he would.

I'm carrying another man's child, so he has every right to be upset with me. No man would want to raise another man's baby.

It was so early in our relationship, he wouldn't be ready for that. It would be a lot to ask from my side.

I haven't even made up my mind about keeping the baby.

I know it's a selfish thing to think about, but I'm not ready for a baby.

I can't be a mother.

I couldn't keep sulking around because today was the day that I tell Lamonte.

I was expecting the same reaction that I got from Trey, maybe it would be even worse.

Soon, I found myself in front of his office door.
I walked in and he immediately rose from his desk to greet me.

"What are you doing here?," he asked.

"We need to talk," I said.

A smile graced his face as he led me to his seat and he sat on his desk, directly in front of me.
I began to feel nauseous, but I managed to calm myself down with a few deep breaths.

These past few days anything I ate would come back up.

"What did you want to talk about?," he asked looking into my eyes with worry.

"Lamonte, I know that we're not together anymore and what I'm about to tell you doesn't have to change anything between us unless you want it to. You have no obligation to me and you can be as involved as you want to be," I explained.

"What do you mean?," he looked at me in confusion.

"I'm pregnant," I finished.

He looked at me in thought for a second before a grin spread across his face.

"Oh my god! We're going to have a baby," he said as he held me against his body and kissed my forehead.

This is the exact opposite reaction that I expected for him to have.

He was the one with commitment issues, not me. Why did it take so long for me to accept that I was pregnant?

I thought a baby would scare the hell out of Lamonte, but seeing him so happy I didn't know what to say.

Maybe he really was ready to commit to me that night.

"I thought that you wouldn't want a baby," I voiced my thoughts.

He held my face in his hands and spoke, "Before the thought of having a baby would've scared the living shit outta me, but Ashanti, I love you. I meant what I said that night and I still mean it now. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and our baby growing inside you."

He moved his hand down to my belly and rubbed my nonexistent bump.

Everyone accepted this baby, but I still wasn't ready. Even hearing that Lamonte would support me, I still couldn't accept it.

I pulled away from him and continued, "I'm not sure if I'm going to keep it. There's still time for me to decide."

He looked at me with a straight face before saying, "I can't tell you what to do with your body, but I hope that you don't abort our child or give it up for adoption. I don't know what you're thinking and I know you're probably scared, but I'm here for you. And I really want to have this baby with you, Ashanti."

"You make me happy more than anything. I'm not going anywhere even if it takes me until the day I die, I will fight for you," he breathes as he stares into my eyes.

I stare back and I say, "You broke me into a million pieces. You hurt me over and over again. How will I know you won't hurt me again?," I ask as a tear left my eye.

"I was in pain myself, for so long, but you came along and brought light into my world. I made you feel pain because all I felt was pain for years and I didn't know what else to do. When I started feeling things for you, I pushed you away. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I want to make you happy," he spoke softly as he wiped away my tears.

His lips drew nearer to mine and I pulled away. I didn't want to get hurt again especially now that I had a baby to think about.

"I don't trust you anymore. It's going to take more than a few sweet words to convince me that you've changed," I say boldly stepping completely out of his embrace.

"We have an entire lifetime for me to prove that I'm not going anywhere. You're the love of my life and I'm not giving up on you. I don't care if you've moved on and started a new life, I don't care if you're in love with someone else, and I don't care if you keep pushing me away. No one is going to make you as happy as I'm going to make you. I love you with every piece of my heart and I'm going to make you love me again too. I'm going fix every piece that I broke," he said in a demanding tone.

He sounded exactly the same when we first started dating. I never stopped loving him and I don't think I ever will, but I refuse to let him step all over me.

He broke me, but I would let him break me time and time again.

"I can't do this," I spoke.

I ran out of the building and back to my car as quickly as I could.

I was starting to forgive him and I can't let myself.

He's bad for me, we're bad for each other.

My mind gets it, why can't my stupid heart get it?

I don't want to love him, but I do.

I can't breathe when I'm with him, I can't think straight when I'm around him, and my heart beats a mile a minute whenever I'm in his presence.

Everything about him just clouds my judgement.

I can't control myself around him.

He consumes me.

My love for him consumes every atom, every fibre, every bone in my body.

Everything inside me calls out to him.

He's the love of my life.

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