Review by Maryam: Bluebells and Hanging Ropes

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Title: Bluebells and Hanging Ropes

Author: MissLacybee

Reviewer: Marykhah77


Summary: 3.5/5

I actually think the summary was a very good hook. It captured your attention, but it still left you with questions—which is a good thing, in this case. 

The only issues I have had to do with the stakes. As I read the summary, I understood what the conflict was, but I didn't know what would happen if he "failed". Also, I wish you mentioned the other characters. I feel like they were essential to the plot, so it would've been nice to know about them too. 

If you mention the stakes and mention the other characters, I think you'll be good to go.


Grammar + Punctuation: 3.5/5

The grammar in your story is very well. There were a few typos throughout the story, but they were scarce, so I'll just point out a few so you know. 

What to do with himself? -He did not know in the slightest. 

I'm sure you didn't mean to put the hyphen in front of He, but if you did, then it should be:

What to do with himself? He did not know in the slightest. 

Besides that, I did find actual punctuation mistakes. 

When you write dialogue, it's important to know about verbal tags. These tags tell you how a characters says something. Here are some examples:

He whispered.

They cackled. 

She said solemnly. 

He said. 

As I read through your story, I caught instances when you wrote dialogue incorrectly. Here are some I found:

"Nay, there is no need to do it now." replied Benjamin...

In this example, you made sure the first word was lower-case, but you didn't add a comma, which is needed for it to be correct. Here's the correct way:

"Nay, there is no need to do it now," replied Benjamin...

See that comma I added right before the closing quotation mark? You use them instead of periods whenever there is a verbal tag. 

It was quite strange reading through, as I did find some places where you wrote dialogue correctly. However, the number of times you wrote it incorrectly was much more than correctly.

You seem to already know that you keep the question mark or exclamation point, so I won't go into that. 

Throughout your story, you wrote earth a good number of times. If you are referring to the actual planet, then you need to capitalize it to make Earth. If you're referring to the ground or dirt (otherwise known as earth), then you're fine—I just thought to point it out.

You used colons and semi-colons correctly every time. The sentences flowed extremely easily. The paragraph weren't too long—they were just the right size to describe things.


Plot Development: 4/5

Can I just start off by saying that I adored the way you started off the story? It was new, refreshing, and very interesting. I also use letters in my story to start off, and I think the way you wrote them were so fun to read. Excellent job!

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