Soulmates Yoongi x Reader

{ 32 What is happening to me? Yoongi POV

{32 What is happening to me? Yoongi POV

Yoongi POV

Even though I practiced these songs millions of times, I felt nervous extremely nervous more than usual. Maybe it was because of the stress he had been feeling because he had been working more than usual. Soon big hit was going to debut the new boy group and I felt the need to show a better version of myself. So I pushed myself a little further, worked a little harder put in a few more hours. There was also the pressure of finishing the album on time. I had been working a lot barely sleeping. I didn't what exactly caused these nerves to skyrocket but it reminded me of the old days where my knees would shake before every performance. Over the years it had gotten better and I hadn't felt like this for years, I didn't understand why this was happening again.

''Everyone gathers!'' Namjoon called loudly over the fan chants that had already started inside of the venue.

I walked over to Namjoon and patted my back that had been hurting a little probably because of the stress and exercise he has been doing lately. It was nothing serious, but it still was another reminder he wasn't like the others who were fit and perfect. If I am not even able to perform something we've done a thousand times before how was I going to compete with the new fresh and young boys at our company? I caught a glimpse of my reflection in one of the camera lenses that were following us backstage for an upcoming movie. It didn't show a pretty image, My eyes were sunken back and large dark circles were still present even with all the layers of make-up covering them. I looked disgusting, how was I going to perform like this? I pushed all the feelings back and gathered my courage and walked over to Namjoon. Everyone had gathered in a small circle and we put our hands together.

''Are you guys ready?'' Namjoon asked and looked around the circle.

I gulped, there was no reason for me to not be ready. I knew all the songs and dances by heart. I could even perform them blindfolded but why were my heart racing and my knees shaking. Why? Why was this happening again, I was passed this years ago. Maybe if I would have practiced one more time yesterday, maybe then I would have felt more confident today. I knew I shouldn't be thinking like this, one more practice shouldn't matter, especially since we've practiced this dozen of times. Then why? Why did it feel as it was not enough? As if I was not enough not ready for this?

Everyone except me nodded and Namjoon must have noticed because his eyes lingered at me for longer than any of the other members. I clenched my jaw trying to keep my composure I needed to be strong, for everyone for the fans. They were already screaming at the top of there lungs, cheering excitedly, but my mind wasn't in the game it was blank. My heart still pounding in my chest and a knot was forming in my throat making it hard to breathe. This wasn't good if it would go on like this there was no way I would be able to perform like this. Suddenly something in the fan chant changed, they weren't cheering us on anymore. It changed to a deafening screaming indecipherable, so loud as if they were trying to chase us away, screaming at us to get lost and go home. Somewhere I knew this wasn't real, it was just my nerves screwing with my head, but it was too late the damage was done. It felt as if everyone was looking down on me, thinking that I didn't deserve to be there on that stage. There was no way I was going to be able to perform like this. Slowly I staggered back, clutching a hand to my chest, breathing heavingly. All the members looked at me with shocked wide eyes.

''Yoongi??'' Seokjin asked confused, ''Are you okay? You look kind of pale.''

There shocked worried expressions just made everything worse, I had let them down, just like I had done to everyone else. At that moment I wanted to do nothing else than run, run far, away from this place, away from all the staring eyes. So, that was what I did, shaking my head I turned around and ran. Like a coward, I ran. I ran down the hallway not caring about the worried and shocked eyes following me with everything step. If I could I would have run out to the streets far away from this place but I knew there would be fans waiting for me outside and facing them was the last thing I wanted. So, instead, I ran to the only place I knew I could be alone, the bathroom. I ran down a flight of stairs almost tripping down the stairs but somehow making it unscathed to the bottom of the stairs. I dashed around the last corner feeling dizzy and nauseous. When I entered the bathroom I ran for the toilet and barely made it before I threw up the small breakfast I had before the performance. I curled up into a ball hugging the toilet not caring about hygienics, It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore especially me. I was worthless, I just ran away like a coward. Even back in the days when I thought everything was getting too much I never ran, I always had faced my fears head-on. I didn't understand why this was happening now. It had been so long since I had felt like this it was a slap in the face. I felt like a good for nothing not able to do a single thing right. Emotionless I lay on the floor staring into nothing.