Renee's River | √

41. last straws & confessions

❝Losing my faith, I'm losing my faith

Slipping away, you're slipping away

I'm not OK, I'm not OK

I'm not OK.❞

- HER, I'm Not OK.

"Hey, Harper are you alright?" I asked her right after our class before lunch.

Remaining in her seat, she said, "I guess so."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She looked away, "I- I just don't know how to say it without sounding stupid."

"Come on, you can tell me," I urged. "As long as it's bothering you, it's not stupid."

"I... I think Jace is avoiding me," she sighed.

"What makes you think so?" I cocked an eyebrow.

"Well, he wouldn't talk to me, or look at me," she answered a bit shyly.

"Did you maybe have some kind of argument?" I genuinely didn't really know what to say.

"No," she shook her head and then bit her lip, "I'm so stupid."

"Why would you say that?" I lowered my voice, "Did you sleep with him yet?"

"No, no," she looked at me. "I mean... I almost did. He had wanted to, but I didn't."

"Do you feel bad for turning him down?"

Harper shook her head again, "No, but now I'm wondering if things would have been different between us if I'd agreed."

"I doubt it, Harper," I told her.

"You think so?"

I nodded. "If he really likes you, he'd respect your decision no matter what and you really don't have to sleep with a guy all because you want to keep him. It seems to me like... like he wasn't serious about you."

I watched her swallow, "Well, that hurts."

"I know. And I'm sorry," I hugged her. "But who knows? Maybe there are other reasons, and maybe he will eventually speak to you."

She had a look of hope in her eyes, then nodded, before her face lit up in a smile, "So, are you going to tell me about him?"

"Him?"

"Yeah! The one you were with this morning," she playfully rolled her eyes.

Thoughts of River came flooding my memory and I smiled widely, "Oh."

"Yeah, oh," she mimicked. "Spill. Who is he? Where did you meet?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and clicked my tongue in my lower lip, "His name's River, he's so sweet. I met him at the bakery and—"

Harper didn't let me finish before she burst into squeals, "River is such a hot name. Oh my gosh, I bet he's so cute," she gushed.

"Wait. I thought you saw him," I tilted my head to one side, cocking my eyebrows.

"I heard some girls talking about him, and then I was able to hear that they had seen you with him."

Wow. Girls sure loved to talk, didn't they? But despite the thought, I flushed.

"Girl, you're so whipped," Harper laughed, beginning to pack up her bags. "I hope the food is great today, because I'm starved."

We walked to the cafeteria when I saw Kaleb sitting alone, and swiping his finger across his phone. This was the best time to go talk to him, and that's what was I was going to do. Telling Harper to go ahead and find a table, and that I would be with her shortly, I walked to where Kaleb sat, his eyebrows furrowed.