From Fat to Phat

|18| Old habits

HABIT

/ˈhabɪt/
noun
1.
a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.

I had woken up early so that Jazz and I would get time to stop by Mike Millie's for our usual coffee while we talk about that imbecile Jacob. Mum wouldn't let me wear my favorite pair of converse shoes because she was afraid I would slip back into 'old habits' back then I wouldn't wear anything that didn't completely cover my body. So then my wardrobe was very limited. It consisted of sweatpants large T-shirt's and hoodies hundreds and thousands of hoodies, along with my trusty pair of red converse shoes.

Today I wasn't up for dressing up all I wanted to do was pull up my hoodie and sweatpants with my favorite pair of shoes so that I would feel safe again so that I wouldn't have to deal with the constant reminder from people of how I looked. Covering it up always helped and right now I wanted to go back to my old closet but mum wouldn't let me. So instead I wore black jeans a white hoodie and a pair of limited addition Louis Vuitton trainers that mom got for me. I didn't want to be showered with expensive gifts or wear them but the look on my mothers face when she gave me the shoes, it broke my heart that I could take that away from her simply because I didn't want to wear them. As I tied my hair into that god-awful ponytail like mother always calls it and then there was a knock by the door.

"It's open." I said as I stretched to tie my hair. Daddy walked in looking nervous in his signature Armani suit.

"Morning, sweetheart. Is it ok if I come in?"

"Morning daddy, yeah sure. Hope it isn't going to take long because I don't wanna be late for school."

"No, it won't be long just five minutes that's all I need."

I turned to face him instead of looking at him through the mirror and the expression on his face told me I was about to get lectured for god knows what now.

"Sweetheart, I am just worried about you." He began.

"Daddy if this is about the party, I already told you I know what I did is wrong and I am sorry, I take full responsibility for my actions. I know mum won't do anything because she was blindsided by me having friends. But if you want to punish me I totally understand."

"It's not about that, well it's partly about that but.....well..... you remember before all of this, Eleanora you didn't tell anyone what was happening to you, you didn't tell us that kids at school where giving you a hard time, you didn't say a word not me or your mother not even your sisters. It was if I could almost hear you practically begging for help, but you pulled away stayed silent Ellie there are so many times I wanted to ask you if everything was alright but I didn't because I thought she is probably just being a teenager having her overprotective father radicle every single part of her life would just make you pull further away from me from us... so I let it slide until you know....one thing led to another." I could see him beat himself up for something that was beyond his control.

"Daddy I am not going to try anything like that again. I-I will not try and take myself away from you, or mummy."I told him looking down I couldn't bare look at him, I didn't even know my dad knew me that well, could feel the tears building up in my eyes. He walked closer and he took both my hands into his and he spoke.

"No, don't cry I know you won't but this time if I see something I say instead of just keeping quiet I will not make the same mistake twice. So about the party I wasn't angry you throw a party but I don't want you turning into this irresponsible person. I don't want you thinking that if life isn't going to well drinking and partying is the only solution."