My Protector

Chapter 30

Axel coaxed me from the room the next day, forced me out of my personal dungeon to see the light of day. I wasn't thrilled with that; he told me he didn't care; I was leaving the room, walking or being carried. What a way to make an entrance back into society. The thought makes me sigh heavily and shake my head; at this point I don't really know what to do about this mess. Trust Axel. The thought drifts through my mind and my stomach churns with uncertainty.

Is this the cowards' way out? Letting someone else handle my problems; does that make me weak? Or even a coward? I don't know. Staring out the window in Axel's office, I rest my head in my hand. I'm tired of this. I don't really know what I'm most tired of dealing with this, or being a coward. I want to move on; I don't want this to be my reality, not anymore. I refuse to let my reality become the MC's. They've seen enough of this, faced enough of my demons for me. This has never been their dilemma to take on.

If I was strong enough, I would've tried to make this go away sooner. Before any of this has gone this far. Maybe if I had, I would've never met Axel; maybe I'd still have my house. Maybe is the worst kind of 'what if'. The kind that will never go away because you were too afraid to even accept the question. That damn question has bitten me in the ass more times than once. And I'm tired of it! Axel is right, I have to stop hiding from life, from everything that is involved in it. Even my past. If I ever want a chance at happiness, I need to fight for it, stop taking it lying down.

How can I expect my demons to just wander off? He's right, hiding from it all only gives them satisfaction. Am I ready? I have no idea, and that terrifies me. My options are slim, hide and be afraid for the rest of my life or grow a spine and handle it. I need to handle it. Even if it's for my sake. It's time I prove to myself that they aren't stronger than me. Axel says that I'm stronger than my past, I've yet to prove it to anyone. That needs to change. I sigh, my gaze falls to my lap, plucking at the lint on my skirt. My gut churns as I debate what to do. My mind screams at me to run and let someone else deal with it.

My heart says otherwise, I need to do this. It's not for your protection, it's for the club. My mind goes to my dogs, to Miranda and the other friendly faces I've met. It's not fair that I cower and let them handle my mess. As much as I may hate to admit it, but this is my fight. Something that I need to do. I'm broken from my train of thoughts as the door opens, Axel walking in with his nose buried in a file. "Good, you're awake." My face draws up in confusion.

"Did I fall asleep?" Axel looks up at me and arches a brow, before nodding slowly.

"Yeah, you fell asleep shortly after you ate breakfast. What do you want for lunch?" I shake my head and he slowly arches a brow at me, giving me a look that has me stopping. "Lunch, what do you want?" My shoulders slump and I sigh.

"I don't know, grilled cheese?" I ask with a shrug, playing with the loose strands of my hair. He nods, pulling out his phone, calling someone to give them an order. I draw his hoodie around me tighter, keeping me warm in the cold climate of his office. He hangs up and moves to sit on the couch next to me.

"It'll be a few minutes." I shrug as I stare at him.

"I'm not really that hungry, so no need to rush that." He shakes his head with a smile, his knuckle brushing against my cheek as his eyes scan my face, taking in my features.

"You need to eat Baby G, you've dropped some weight." Axel murmurs softly, his thumb soothing my jaw gently. "Detective Rhines is going to help us." He speaks up, making my face scrunch up uncomfortably, drawn with displeasure and uncertainty.

"How do you know he's not being paid off by them?" My voice shakes with nerves as I stare at him. They'd be stupid to send evidence to us so confidently. They have to have covered their tails.