Brooklyn Nine-Nine

26 | Peppa Pig & Daddy Issues

"In approximately twenty seconds, Park Jimin will be late to work for the first time ever in his entire career," Jungkook announced, his eye on the clock. "Theories, anyone?"

"His alarm clock didn't go off," Hoseok suggested.

"You think all three of Jimin's alarm clocks didn't go off? You think the one on his phone and the ten others set each minute after didn't go off?" Jungkook pressed. "That's ridiculous, Sarge. Be reasonable."

"Oh, I know," Taehyung spoke up. "He got kidnapped in the middle of the night by a past lover and is currently cheating on Jungkook."

"See? That makes sense," Jungkook praised. "Not Sarge's ridiculous alarm clock theory."

"Maybe he lost his glasses and contacts again," Yoongi said. Everyone looked at Jimin's glasses hooked on his shirt and the contact box on his desk and remained silent. "Fucker can't keep track of them."

Jin rolled around in his chair. "I think he's secretly the Ant-Man and fights crime underground."

"That's impossible, Jin," Jungkook said. "Jimin's too pussy for that." He rubbed his hands together. "My bet is that he eloped with that furry bitch from Animal Crossing."

"Retsuko is supreme," Yoongi mumbled.

"Hey," Jungkook warned. "Isabelle and Retsuko are both queens. Don't pit two strong women against each other like that."

Jin looked up from the hentai playing on his computer. "Weebs."

"Alright, then maybe he choked on his oatmeal and died," Hoseok suggested.

Yoongi grimaced. "What the fuck is oatmeal?"

Namjoon walked up to them, confusion drawn on his features. "What in the world is going on here?"

"We're guessing why Jimin's late to work," Taehyung explained.

"He ran into Peppa Pig," Namjoon said calmly.

Hoseok did a double-take. "What?"

"That's my guess," Namjoon said. "He ran into Peppa Pig."

"Makes more sense than Sarge's first guess," Jungkook noted.

"Sorry, I'm late!" Jimin exclaimed, running into the precinct. "But you will not believe who I just arrested," he gushed, dragging along a man in a Peppa Pig costume.

"Gottem," Namjoon said.

━━━━━━━━

"Sarge, is something wrong? You look worried," Taehyung said. "Is it because you look like Lord Farquaad?"

"I just can't tell what the Captain's thinking sometimes," Hoseok said with a soft groan.

━━━━━━━━

"Captain!" Hoseok greeted cheerfully. "How's your day been?"

Namjoon stopped to meet Hoseok's eyes, his expression completely blank. "I crashed my car when I was pulling out of my driveway and the rear is completely destroyed. It was a Tesla and I got it last week. I'm utterly devastated," he said in a monotonous tone.

Hoseok's smile faded. "Wow."

━━━━━━━━

"Wait, you think I look like Lord Farquaad?" Hoseok asked, hurt.

"Nah, you look like Shalisa," Taehyung said.

"Who the fuck is that?"

"You, bitch."