Borderline

Four

   Soon it was time for lunch. I never looked forward to food in the hospital, usually, it was very subpar. We all shuffled towards one of the doors that led outside and waited. We were all antsy to leave to the building, even if it was to just go to another building. We got to go outside, see the garden, possibly see other patients, it was something every patient in any hospital looked forward to. Outside was heaven to psychiatric patients. Finally, Dakota walked past us with a pair of keys. He opened the door and we filed out the door one by one. This was my second time seeing the hospital grounds and I was more amazed this time. I took a good look at the bushes filled with colorful flowers, the sidewalks covered in chalk art, the small cove with vending machines. My parents' money was surely going towards something at least half-decent. When we walked into the cafeteria I was amazed. It was open and huge. different units sat with their friends and techs. There were a few empty tables left, which I assumed belonged to our unit. Everyone got in line and grabbed an empty tray like we were at some kind of buffet. As I walk down the line I grab a carton of 2% milk and two packets of butter. Finally, I reach one of the ladies serving food and she asks me what I'd like to eat and I just stare at her. "Ma'am?" She says to me to try and reach my attention.

   "Oh, I'm sorry. I'll have the chicken alfredo, with the broccoli. Thank you." I continue down the line and fill up a plastic glass with sweet tea and sit down at one of our unit tables. Sophia had no food in front of her, in fact, I don't even think she got in line. Harper was next to her practically whispering in her ear trying to convince her to get in line. I looked at Sophia again and saw tears slowly dripping down her face. I took my butter packets and sweet tea and dumped them in the garbage. When I got back to the table there was a tech sitting there, I think her name is Lily, basically doing the same thing Harper was doing. Harper sat quietly now and just looked at the bottle of ensure in front of Sophia. Lily held her hand and continued to talk to her, then I had an idea. "Sophia, I'll drink an ensure too. So you won't feel alone." Sophia looked up at me, dumbfounded. 

   "You what?" She mumbled. 

   "I'll drink an ensure." I got up and threw all of my food in the garbage without having a single bite of it. I was new so I didn't have much knowledge of the other patient's diagnoses, but what I did know what that Sophia was here mainly for her eating disorder and I also had an eating disorder. Drinking this with her might make her feel better, or just not think too much. "Lily, can I have one?" 

   "What flavor?" she asked me, smiling. 

   "Strawberry is the only acceptable flavor." I moved my chair closer to Sophia who was now wiping away tears. Lily got up and went into the kitchen. 

   "You really don't have to do this, Margo. I would hate to see someone endure the torture I deal with." I almost laughed when she said this to me.

   "You do know that I have an eating disorder too, I've had to drink so many of these in my lifetime. They suck ass, but just down it." Lily returned with my ensure and set it in front of me and then stood behind Sophia and me. I uncapped mine and downed the whole thing and gave a sour face afterward. "Your turn. You got it." Sophia uncapped her drink and stared at it, terrified. Then in a few gulps, the drink was gone. Everyone was silent and staring at Sophia.

   "What's everyone looking at?" She burst into laughter and so did the rest of us. I spent the rest of the lunch with Harper and Sophia, I've come to realize they are "inpatient besties". 

   After everyone in our unit finishes eating we all kind of congregate by the door until one of our staff members unlocks it and leads us back. I'm leaning against the wall when Juniper approaches me. I watch as she looks me up and down, then she smiles. It looked fake. "We haven't had a chance to meet properly. Groups suck ass. I'm the self-appointed queen bee of Willow, Juniper, but please call me Juni."

   "Did you just say queen bee?" I stopped leaning and stood straight up. "Queen bee? Of a long-term psychiatric unit? Are you sure you want that title?" Juniper laughed at me, a big, loud, annoying laugh. She popped her gum loudly.

   "Yes, Queen Bee, so that means don't fuck with me." Juniper stalked off to another small group of people I hadn't met yet. I went back to leaning against the wall and scoffed to myself. 

   "I'd steer clear of her, she's feisty. She always tries to start drama with someone new." The girl leaning on the wall next to me spoke up. I turned to her. "I'm Talula, I've been here a few months and I've seen people come and go and every time Juniper and her little groupies will try and start drama, so be careful."

   "Thanks." Talula had olive skin which accented her jet black curly hair that she held back in a high ponytail. "So why warn me?"

   "Because it's dumb. I'm surprised she hasn't been kicked out of the program. It's probably because of her parent's money. She gets sent away from groups constantly, refuses her meds, and just doesn't follow treatment plans. It's ridiculous." I thought about my parent's money paying for everything as Talula spoke.

   "Thanks, I mean really. I would hate any drama, I'm here for my treatment." 

   "We're all supposed to be." At that moment Mia walked over and unlocked the door and led us back to the unit. When we got back to the unit everyone went their own ways, I went back to my room. I plopped myself down on my bed and just stared at the ceiling. I hadn't even been here 24 hours and so much had already happened. I was exhausted. My eyes began to feel heavy so I gave in and took a nap.

...

   The hallway was dimly lit but looked really long. I looked down at my feet, barefoot and dirty. My hands looked dirty too like I had been rolling around in the dirt. I was wearing a tattered white dress. I began to walk down the long hallway taking in the disgusting looking walls. The farther I walked the more noise I heard, voices, talking. I started walking faster, then I started running. I got to the end of the hall to a bright red door. I opened the door and the light was blinding. When my eyes adjusted my mouth opened and only the sounds of a blood-curdling scream came out.

...

   My eyes opened quickly and I jumped up, I was hyperventilating. I sat for a moment trying to calm my breathing. I hated sleeping, I hated it so fucking much. After a few minutes of me breathing there's a knock at my door. I get up and open it and Mia is standing there. "Hey, Margo! I need you to come to sit, you're next to see Dr. Peters." I rubbed my eyes and walked towards the chair next to the office. I waited for a few minutes then Sophia walked out. 

   "Wait until he says to come in, and don't be scared he's cool." She walked away and I sat in the chair nervously. 

   "Margo Tate." I hear my name and I walk towards the ajar door. I open it and sit down.

   "Hello."

   "