I Can't Eat Love

Part 4

Despite my wishes, the morning of etiquette training with the Queen arrived all too quickly. I departed in a carriage just shortly after sunrise, arriving at the palace without too much delay. As I followed a footman deeper into the building I had once known so well, I felt a cold wave of a memory swell over me.

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"Just lift your feet, miss!" The dancing instructor clapped his hands, looking frustrated. "You act as if your shoes are weighted down!"

I stumbled, tripping on my shoes, wincing as I felt the skin tear on my elbow as it hit the floor.

The instructor chuckled, the Queen looked concerned, but my mother... she simply stared at me with a look of weary contempt.

A look I knew all too well.

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I gripped my elbow, almost feeling the sting of the scrape that had not happened yet in this lifetime. That fall had occurred six months before Ronan broke off the engagement, as I had been taught a newer dance, with a more intricate and delicate step, to celebrate his birthday.

I had mastered it, after many brutal hours of training, and countless more falls. I was so determined to live up to the Queen's expectations, to impress my future husband... to earn my mother's love. But I had never gotten to dance the steps. The Prince hadn't even waited for the first dance to be start before he broke off the engagement.

But that had been the theme of my previous lifetime. Working so hard, striving with all my might, all for someone else's sake... only to be thrown away in the end.

I couldn't help but feel bitter and angry for a few moments, over the suffering I had been forced to bear.

It will not happen in this life... not this time. I promised myself, smiling grimly. Never again would I be used for another's sake.

No matter what.

"Lenora?!" A voice called out, breaking me from my increasingly dark thoughts. I looked up, smiling as I caught sight of Queen Amerande, running towards me while waving her arms.

"Your Majesty." I started to curtsy, only to be picked up and squeezed tightly, barely able to breathe as she swung me around with a laugh.

"I've told you: No 'Your Majesties' until we're in class!" She admonished me, setting me down and tucking my hair behind an ear with a bright grin. "I'll be your mother one day, so why can't you just call me that?!"

I tried to catch my breath. It had been so long since I had seen her last, I had forgotten what it was like to be caught up in her presence. Everything about her carried an energy, from her curly untamed hair to her bright green eyes that always seemed to be planning something, usually a surprise for someone else. Even her steps were graceful and light, almost as if she danced instead of simply walked. Being by her side, the time was always filled with smiles and laughter. She was so bright, so caring, everything I had always imagined a real mother to be like.

But was that really the case?

In my last lifetime... once her son had broken our engagement, I had never heard of her protesting, not once, even though she had known better than anyone else that it would ruin me. Despite the years we had spent together, she had never reached out a hand to help me while I was struggling on the streets. Not even the day I had tried to break into the palace... right before...

A hand touched my face, startling me. "Dearest, you went to a very dark place just then." Queen Amerande leaned forward, concerned. "Do you need to talk? We can skip lessons today."