To: Spider-Dweeb (P. Parker x Reader)

✆ 𝙶𝚛𝚞'𝚜 𝙿𝚕𝚊𝚗 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚔™ ✆

✆ ᏟᎪᏞᏞ ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚ Bold- peter ╝

DON'T YOU DARE HANG UP ON ME!
WHAT THE FACK HAPPENED!

THE AVENGERS ARE ABOUT TO COME YEET MY SORRY ASS OUT OF EXISTENCE THAT'S WHAT!

CAN WE STOP SCREAMING!
WHY ARE WE SCREAMING?!

BECAUSE MY LIFE IS IN DANGER, PETER!
THAT'S WHY WE'RE SCREAMING!

No, but like seriously, what happened?
You called me to scream and then hung up

Oh, you haven't heard?
I would have sworn Tony was monitoring my phone ever since your stupidity revealed your secret
I'm actually half expecting him to ram head first into my wall in his Iron Man armor and be like, "Surprise bitch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me."

That would be iconic

It really would, but I'd be scared as heck with two C's

So, did you accidentally like tell someone I'm Spider-Man?
Because I'm pretty sure Tony would come and kill you

I better start packing my bags then

Wait, YOU DID?!

Not exactly
In fact, I'm trying to preserve your secret, so by any chance do you have a friend that has a similar body shape as you and would be willing to put on your suit without the mask?

No?

Well frick frack diddily dack, there goes my last ditch effort

Just explain to me what's going on

So I was texting MJ and Liz Allan because they're like my best friends
We were talking about typical teenage girl things like consuming the blood of our enemies and all that crap

Right, typical teenage girl stuff

Like you would know, Peter
For some odd reason MJ had a conspiracy theory that you're Spider-Man which I obviously said was absurd
Like Peter Parker as Spider-Man? As if

That hurt, but thanks I guess

And now both MJ and Liz are convinced that you are in fact Spider-Man
I have until tonight to prove them wrong with photographic evidence

Shit

I know right?!

I'm going to tell Tony
He'll know what to do

Rip me
It was a nice run, my friend
See you in the afterlife I guess
If there even is an afterlife that is

Oh, be quiet
You're not going to die

Famous last words

ᴇɴᴅ ᴄᴀʟʟ

✆ Ｔｅｘｔ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚ Bold- tony & peter ╝