My Protector

Chapter 32

"Baby G, you gotta wake up." Axel's voice breaks through the light sleep I had slipped into on his couch. Last night, well into the early hours of today. With a slight groan, I rub my eyes tiredly and pick up my head to look at him.

"What time is it?" I mumble as my eyes focus on him and the soft smile that rests on his exhausted features.

"It's close to eight in the morning Baby G, you gotta get up and get something in you." I stare at him for a moment and sigh, sitting up carefully.

"Do I have to eat?" Axel nods with a soft smile.

"Yeah, I got you some fruit, try to eat some of them at least." He holds up the bowl and I nod, fighting the urge to refuse the fairly small bowl of food.

"Was I asleep long?" I grab the bowl, moving to give him space to sit on the couch. Axel smiles, moving to sit next to me, pulling me closer to him.

"A few hours at most, you needed it." I nod slowly with a sigh; last night was hell, the leading days are only going to be worse. I've spent the past few hours thinking, heavy thinking. I have to do it. It's for the club, it's going to protect everyone else. My stomach churns at the thoughts and decisions I've made over the hours. It's been a painful process to work through on my own. I refuse to let more people perish because of my demons. I have to stay strong to win. Axel has said he's going to protect me.

How can I believe that when they want to take this to court? These monsters have been stalking me for years. Why would a cold metal cell stop them? Nothing has stopped them, after years and years of this; why would that be the thing that halts their obsession? It wouldn't. If anything it'd make them even madder, work against their temporarily dormant abusive nature. Their drive would kill me, not before making me sit and watch everyone and everything I love die in cold blood.

I can't live with that; I refuse to accept that. "Rhines is supposed to call today, right?" Axel nods, watching as I take a bite of my food, chewing slowly.

"Yeah, shouldn't be too much longer now." He stops and stares at me for a moment. "Are you sure you want to do this Baby G? I understand if you don't." He says tenderly and I look away, hiding the guilt as his words settle poorly on my soul. I feel awful doing this. I want him to trust me, but I know him well enough. He'll fight this tooth and nail.

"I think so." Swallowing harshly, I stare at my bowl, taking a bite. "I want this to be over. I'm tired of hiding." I can't stand the idea of the MC being torn apart by my demons. Being the sole person to ruin an MC, a large group of amazing men and women sucks, I don't want that weighing me down. I know that my demons won't be kind enough to let me die after they've slaughtered everyone and everything I love. No, that'd be too kind.

"Baby G, I'm proud of you. I know it's taking a lot for you to do this." Axel murmurs softly and I wince, setting the bowl of fruit down to turn towards him, wrapping my arms around him, seeking comfort. I'm a horrible person. Maybe I just tell him, get it over with. I don't want to break his trust.

"Thank you." I whisper to him softly, terrified of breaking as I hear his sweet words. Can I do this? Before I can second guess myself, the phone rings and I tense, pulling away stiffly. No turning back now, stiffen the lip and handle it. I'm the only that needs to be hurt now, I can't hide. If I die, then I die, I'm tired of running and hiding in shame and fear. To live a life, I'm proud of, I have to fight for it. And it starts today.

"It's alright Baby G, I'll be with you the whole time." I nod and sigh softly, standing we both move to settle at his desk answering the call. "Axel." He calls out curtly, garnering attention and respect with ease. I grab his hand tightly, trying to calm my breathing and settle my stomach.