Idol (An Ed Sheeran Fanfic)

7

"Cassidy, are you ready? I think we are in Utah, and they all seem excited to see you," Ed said as he came into my dressing room, then he looked at me and stopped. "What's wrong?"

I was sitting in the corner of the dressing room with my head buried in my knees, crying my eyes out.

"It's just-I miss home," I sobbed. "I didn't think I would, but I wanna go back."

Ed took a deep breath and came over to sit next to me. "I know, it's hard, trust me I know," he looked at me with eyes full of sympathy. I gently rested my head against his shoulder and put my legs back on the floor.

"I'm sorry, this is stupid," I rubbed my eyes, feeling embarrassed. "God, I probably look like shit and I have to go on in a few minutes."

"No you have time, let's stay here for a minute. Oh, and don't worry about that, that happens to me all the time. I always miss everyone back in England, but I love touring so much. It's a trade, but I'm okay with it," he replied.

I sat there in silence for a minute.

"Hey we have a day off tomorrow," he sounded cheery. "Our next show is in San Francisco. I think we're traveling tomorrow so we have the rest of the day free in the city. Have you ever been?"

"No, all I know about San Francisco is from The Mowgli's song," I mumbled.

Ed chuckled and started humming the tune.

I smiled. "I've been in love with love and the idea of, something binding us together, you know that love is strong enough," I sang.

"That's so true though. I know it's just a lyric but it's so true," he replied and shook his head, then paused. "Have you ever been in love?"

I thought for a minute. In the past, I had one real boyfriend, but that couldn't be love. "I don't think so, not the real thing at least," I shrugged.

Ed smiled. "It's one of the most-"

The door opened, and a tall guy standing in the doorway interrupted him.

"What's up Mark?" Ed asked and started to get up.

"Cassidy, I need you onstage in five minutes. Ed, you need to come with me," Mark snapped at the end.

Ed got up and started walking towards the door, then turned to me. "Are you still up for going to the pub later, I understand if you aren't," he looked at me.

"I think it will be good. It can take my mind off of everything," I shrugged.

"Okay, I'll see you later then. Have fun out there, you'll kill it," he smiled at me and went up to Mark, who put a hand on his shoulder and led him down the hall.

I sighed. Wow, I just had a break down in front of the guy I like, great! Even though I was a little scared, I went up to the mirror to see how bad my makeup looked. There was mascara running down my face, but that was as bad as it got. Next to my hand was a box of tissues, so I grabbed a handful and tried to clean up my face. Why does it matter? Everyone is going to be so far away anyways! I stopped and saw that most of the mascara was gone, so I just grabbed my guitar and started going towards the stage.

The hallway was mostly empty, but Ed's dressing room door was open, and he jumped up when he saw me walk by.

"Ed, you need to get back here. This is important," yelled a guy with a British accent. I stopped and saw Ed coming after me.

"Hey, I wanted to tell you this earlier but I didn't have time," he said when he got to me, and put a hand on my shoulder. "I know sometimes we are in pain, but they," he pointed to the direction of the crowd, "can't know that. Just pretend everything is fine and get lost in the songs, and try not to think about the stories behind them. It's just songs, and they probably don't give a fuck about what it's about, so you shouldn't either."

-

"What did you mean when you were talking about the crowds earlier?" I asked later when we were at the bar. We were sitting the same way that we were when we were in Louisville.

"They just, they don't know what we are talking about in all these songs; like for you it's home, and they don't know that. It's weird, they are singing the lyrics back to you and don't have a clue what your talking about. When it gets hard just be them: sing the lyrics and be oblivious to what they mean," he replied and took a swig from his beer bottle.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but why do you know so much about all of this?" I'm curious now.

Ed took a long swig from his bottle, "Because I do it all the time."

"When was the last time you were, like, properly home?" I gulped; a little scared to hear the answer.

"For Christmas, but I only had a few days off between promo stuff and the U.K. tour. But before that it was probably four months."

"How do you deal with that? It's been a few days and I'm already going crazy. Honestly, I don't know how I'm gonna do it."

He smiled at me and passed me his beer bottle. "Have some of this, it eases the pain."

I looked at him, but his expression was hard. Reluctantly, I took a sip from the bottle and felt the silky liquid make its way down my throat.

"Do you-" I started.

"Let's not talk about this, okay. There are a million things we could talk about and I would prefer it wasn't the problems in my personal life," he snapped and took his bottle back. Who was this guy, and what did he do with Ed? "I'm sorry, it's just-I don't wanna talk about this anymore. Tomorrow, we booked a studio session in the afternoon after all the promo stuff, wanna come?"

"Sure, how much promo do you have?" I asked, still wary that he would snap again.

"I don't know, but Stuart told me you have promo too. This indie magazine wants to interview you, and a radio station in Detroit wants to talk to you on the phone."

"Really?" I gasped.

"Yeah, but hey I'm really tired, I think I'm going to bed. Today was a long day. I'll see you tomorrow," Ed smiled at me but I could see in his eyes that he was hurt.

He started to get up to leave. "Bye, I'll see you tomorrow. I'm sorry if I said anything," I said.

Ed gulped. "It's okay. I'll see you tomorrow," and then walked away.