Difference

35. Argument.

PTSD: External Triggers

External triggers are situations, people, or places that you might encounter throughout your day that can bring up uncomfortable PTSD symptoms, such as memories of a traumatic event or feelings of being on edge and anxious.

Common External triggers:
- an argument
-the end of a relationship
-a specific place, smell, or object

(Source: Matthew Tull, Verywell mind)

Farrah»

As I was now in the process of rolling the blunt, a wave of guilt fell over me.

While me and Adonis were remembering the time we were just friends...I thought of the guy he was. Quiet and innocent. I kept trying to convince myself that I was just showing him the fun that his mom wouldn't let him have, but by now I just felt like.... a bad influence.

"Don..maybe we shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"I- I just feel like I'm bad for you Adonis."

"Bad? What do you mean?"

"I'm thinking of..you know...how you were before?"

"What was I like before, Farrah? I- I just went on and on about how I'm happy I met you and how I'm such a better person because of you...and now you're saying that it was all a mistake-"

"I'm not saying that, I'm saying..we shouldn't be doing all this bad shit. Sneaking, having sex, smoking-"

"It's not like you're making me do something I didn't want to do. Bad decisions are bad decisions..but it's not you being some type of bad influence on me."

"If I wasn't in your life you wouldn't be doing all this."

"You're right. I'd be in my room miserable, not speaking to anyone, having no one, and cutting my arms. I'd rather make a couple bad decisions than be doing that."

It was now clear that I'd hurt him..I knew I should've stopped there..but I felt like I needed to explain myself.

"Adonis I just- I feel like maybe-"

"Did you not enjoy the things we did together? Why is it suddenly a problem?"

"It's not Don. I was just worried that I...I don't know..." I trailed off. I didn't know what else to say. Adonis was now even more frustrated than before, and struggling to hide it.

I shouldn't have even brought any of this up.

"Don-"

"It's fine..." He said, picking up everything I'd grabbed out of Eden's room and walked out.

I'd never seen Adonis angry before, and even when I'd seen him upset..it was never something I caused.

Not knowing exactly what to do, I climbed out of his bed. I know it'd be awkward to just sit here like nothing happened..so I prepared an apology in my head.

The second he entered the room, I began.

"Adonis I'm sorry...sometimes I overthink things like this."

"You don't have to be sorry about what you feel, Farrah. I don't want you to feel like you have to take it back."

"And I don't want you to think I regret the things we've done..I just..was making sure that I wasn't pushing you too far."

Adonis»

Farrah and I never have argued before...about anything. But as we continued to disagree with each other about her being a 'bad influence' I noticed her begin to get flustered.