You Were Worth The Wait | Jelix

Chapter 16 - Father

TW: abuse
self harm
mention of suicide

Things were only getting worse. Me and Jack were dealing with our own problems: he was fully aware of mine. However, we wouldn't tell me what was wrong with him.

I'd been feeling much more down lately, the reason being my parents. They still didn't accept me for being bisexual and having a relationship with somebody of the same gender as me. I tried to talk to them and they told me they didn't want to converse with me because I'm 'disgusting' and me commiting the 'sin of homosexuality' would never be forgiven.

Yeah, I was mad at my parents for saying that type of bullshit about me. I was really angry that they were so ignorant and small minded. But at the end of the day, they're my parents. I just wanted to feel loved and accepted by them. I wanted our relationship to be like it was before I came out to them.

I envied Jack ever so slightly. His mother was so accepting of him. She had no problem with him liking boys as well as girls, and she got along with me when we met. My parents wouldn't even think of meeting Jack. If they ever did they'd probably hiss at him and be horrible to him.

Every couple of nights in those past few weeks, Jack had to comfort me because the overwhelming dread that my parents were forcing me to feel kept getting to me and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from getting upset. It made me feel bad, because it was in those past few weeks that I noticed Jack was acting differently and he was obviously dealing with some shit himself.

So one night, when we were about to go to sleep, I decided to ask him about it.

"Jack. I need to ask you something."

"Sure. You can ask me anything." He said soothingly, running his hand up and down my arm.

"Well...I've noticed that you have been acting differently lately. And I was just wondering if you're ok. Is there anything you wanna talk about?" I was ready for him to lie his ass off and tell me that he was fine, but his actual reaction shocked me. First he sighed before speaking.

"Actually...yeah. I wanna get something off my chest." I couldn't believe he was actually agreeing to talk about his problems. I was ready for him to say he was just kidding.

"My mom messaged me a couple of weeks ago. She told me that my dad died. And it's just been making me feel...not upset, just...weird." This was probably the second time in my entire life that he had mentioned his dad to me. This was a great oppurtunity to ask questions about him.

"I don't know wether to apologise for his death or not. I know you didn't like him." I said, very unsure.

"I hated the guy." He replied.

"Can I ask why?" He didn't speak at all for a few seconds. I honestly thought he was just going to ignore my question, but he soon replied.

"Well...this is gonna be a long story by the way...but basically, he was just a really horrible guy. He did bad shit to the people around him. His co-workers, his friends and his family. For the first few years of my life, he was a good father and a good person. But then it all changed when him and my mother started having tons of arguments. I used to sit in my bedroom, hide under my blanket and close my ears until they stopped screaming at each other." The thought of Jack doing that as a child saddened me.

"The arguments would make him angry and upset. Mainly angry. So he used to go out, hang with his friends and drink alcohol, either at a friends house or a bar. He would stay out for hours after an argument, and then come home in the late hours of the morning, and another argument would start. He would scream at my mother and call her horrible things, like a 'slut' and a 'waste of time'. Most of the time he made her cry. Sometimes he would even hit her. But I couldn't do anything about it because the one time I tried to intervene when I was about 12 he broke my nose."

I couldn't believe what he had just told me. His own father lay his hands on him and broke his fucking nose. I was starting to feel really happy about his death.

"I went to the hospital. My dad forced me and my mom to say that I had just simply fallen over. After that my mother told me never to get in the way of their arguments again. She said she was fine and she could handle it on her own. I didn't believe her but I just left her to it. Eventually my mom became immune to the fights and the shouting. So when my mom stopped caring, my dad moved onto me, and started picking fights with me for no reason.

It wouldn't take much to piss him off. I would literally go down to the kitchen to get a glass of water and he'd yell at me. He wouldn't just yell at me either: he'd beat the fucking shit out of me until I was choking and could barely move. My friends noticed that something was off with me, and soon enough, so did the teachers.

At my high school we wore a uniform and a part of the uniform was a blazer. One day in science I had to take it off. My teacher saw all of the bruises and cuts from my dad and she told the headteacher. My parents were contacted on the same day and my dad went ballistic when I got home. He told me that social services would be visiting the household frequently now to keep an eye out for anything else that was suspicious, and he was so mad at me for it.

He beat me so badly on that night that I couldn't go to school for another week, which was smart of him to do because it just made the school even more conscious that something bad was happening at home. He made me depressed, he drove me to self harm and suicidal thoughts. I had to deal with his bullshit until I was 17 and I moved away to live with my best friend over here in LA. My mother left him shortly after I moved out and she thankfully didn't have to deal with him anymore. And now the motherfucker's dead. I couldn't be happier."

He stopped talking and didn't say another word. Near the end of his sentence, he sounded like he was about to cry and man, I couldn't blame him. I never knew that Jack had such a sad and absolutely shit childhood. I'd always just assumed that his past was pretty average. After all, he had never talked about his father or any of the things that happened to him.

I was really shocked. And feeling a lot of rage. Honestly, if he hadn't had already died I probably would have found him and done the job myself. I couldn't understand how he could want to treat his wife and son the way he did, especially when he had an amazing, beautiful, talented son like Jack. I would be so happy to have a child who was like Jack. So why was he so mad about it?

"Jack...I'm sorry. I never realised how much of a shit life you've had. I'm so sorry. You never deserved that."

"It's ok. He's gone now."

"Honestly, he sounds like a fucking douchebag. I would have killed him myself if he wasn't dead already-" I felt Jack grab my hand and in the darkness, I saw a small smile form on his face.

"Babe. It's ok. It's no big deal. And it's nice to know you would have stuck up for me, but he probably would have crushed you." He giggled and I returned one, grabbing his hand and holding onto it tightly.

"You're the best thing that could happen to anyone. I don't understand why he couldn't see how much of a great son he had." Jack kissed my forehead and cuddled up to me, resting his head on my chest.

"You were right. I guess it's not really that hard to open up every once in a while."

"I'm proud that you did. Remember that I love you, ok? He didn't, and he was a dickhead for it, but I love you. Ok?" He nodded and ran his finger up and down my chest.

"I love you too. Thank you." He said before kissing my chin and falling asleep on my chest.