Chapter 23: I'm a horrible person

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I went over to the Holland's, all I had my mind set on was the plan. I rehearsed what I planned to say over and over again until it would be permanently stuck in my brain.

"Hey Harry we need to talk, about well you remember that movie The notebook, you do awesome, well remember when Noah and Allie breakup, you do good so they broke up and everything went well so maybe we should try it, I mean who knows what'll happen ha ya so cool,"I said imagining the whole situation play out.

Ok so maybe I had no idea what to say and come to think of it Noah and Allie got back together didn't they.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I knocked on the door to the house, Sam greeted me and had told me where Harry was.

I walked up the stairs to his bed room where I saw him lying in bed the sound of PewDiePie's voice echoed out of his phone speakers.

"Hey Harry," I call out leading him to put his phone down.

"Hey baby what's up," he asked.

I am not ready at all.

"what's up well, uh that is the question," I blank.

Harry looks at me in a confused expression probably contemplating how high I am. Truth is just a little.

"Y/n are you ok?," he asks.

"Harry do you love me,"

"Yes of course,"

A sigh escapes my lips as I say my next words, still having no idea what to say.

"What's this about," he asks starting to take notice at my panicked expression.

"I think we should break up," I spit out.

The instant pain of guilt pierces my heart as I look at Harry. I can tell by his look alone he's devastated, a surprise really not that he'd be sad, everyones sad during a break up, well maybe not everyone, I mean if you weren't sad you'd probably would've been a pretty fucked up relationship. I guess I just wasn't prepared to see the look on his face, you know the expression of how a person can have a word written all over them, well Harry's was heart break. My heart dropped watching his smile turn to a frown, if I know Harry well enough I could bet 20 euros that his mind is completely blank. As is mine, for now it's just an awkward silence.

I walked closer, caution in minding my self through each step until slowly reaching him. Sat next to him on the bed as he had his head buried in his palms.

He noticed my presence as he lifted his head, the tears flowing from his eyes were all I seemed to focus on, as if I just went ha just kidding and gave him a big hug it'll all go away. But I know I can't do that. Finally though he said something.

"Why," he said, a word never felt so painful.

One single word and it managed to make me feel horrible, though I suppose that's always something you feel when you're breaking up with someone. But still, the word sounded different this time.

I took a deep breath, trying to hold in the tears of seeing my best friend sad. I couldn't face him, it was all too much, all too hard, I tried to focus my eye contact down to my twiddling thumbs. I was a nervous wreck, I truly had no idea what to do and that terrified me, in this moment I felt as if I couldn't do anything.

Though again Harry exclaimed,"Why?," this time his voice raising into a cry.

The walls to hold back my tears broke as the salty river of sobs escaped.

"Because I'm not in love with you," I let out in just barely a whisper, my eyes still firmly intent on the rapid pace my thumbs can move.

He let out a gasp as his head collapsed back into his hands.

"I'm so sorry Harry," I cry.

My heart shatters as I hear the whimpers leave his mouth, leading me to wrap my arms around him and squeeze him tight letting him release his cries into my chest. I rest my forehead against his shoulder as I whisper I'm sorry once more.

"Is there someone else," his voice is muffled and cracked but I heard exactly what he said.

I can't just lie, he's my best friend I wouldn't lie. He's going to kill me when he hears I'm in love with his brother. Fuck my life.

"yes," I let out.

He pulls away and stands up to intimidate me. I feel his eyes pierced on me as I can tell he's starting to get angry.

"Were you cheating on me," he asks enraged, his eyebrows furrowed - if he were a cartoon id be sure smoke would pour out from his ears.

"No, of course not," I defend.

"Then what is it, you just realized you love someone else," he yells in my face.

"Yes that exactly actually," I spit out, now that I think of it I kinda worded it pretty harsh.

He starts to calm down as he asks,"who."

Oh God he's not going to like this.

"Tom," I breath.

The once departed rage seems to have made an undesired return.

"The fuckers dead," he spits racing out of the room with me hurrying to catch up.

My mind's still stuck processing everything before he just runs out, it took me a second to get up though when I did I was immediately at full speed running to Tom's room to stop Harry. Though as I got in I watched as Harry pulled Tom up from the bed with his collar in one swift movement.

By Tom's face I could tell he was confused though it didn't take him long until he realized what was happening. Then there it was one punch straight to Tom's jaw.

"Harry stop," I let out as I went up behind Harry and tried to pull him off.

Tom took a hit to Harry's stomach as Harry fired another one to Tom's nose leaving a red mark. Though as I was still struggling to pull back Harry's arms, he managed to escape my hold and punch Tom in the stomach, again, again, and again.

He then held Tom down as Tom struggled to escape Harry's grips he fired another at his face.

I went in front of Harry and tried to push him off of him.

"Harry please," I cry, I was too busy trying to keep Harry off of Tom to even notice I completely gave up on trying to hold back all my tears.

Though Harry did, Harry noticed. He jumped backwards off of Tom, I looked at him as he just sat there ashamed almost. Though my eyes immediately went back to Tom.

"Are you ok," I ask, though that was a stupid question he had countless bruises along his jaw and his face. Not to mention a bloody nose, it wouldn't surprise me to find a big purple mark on his stomach either.

I held his hand tight and pulled him up, he brought me out of the room then asked if I was ok. Tom asked ME if I was ok, when he's clearly the one in the fight.I felt so bad, even worse than before.

In conclusion, I'm a horrible person.

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