The Fighters Girl

17.

They walked into the suite silently and Hazel immediately went to the room and changed into pajamas. Hawk did not get changed. Hawk remained silent and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at his knees.

"Hawk?" Hazel said quietly sitting next to him on the bed and tilting his head up with her forefinger so she could see his face.

She recoiled slightly when she did.

His eyes...his eyes were completely and totally...blank.

No emotion, none.

Just like when she first met him, but worse because she knew this time instead of an innate defense mechanism, he was intentionally blocking her out.

"Look, Hazel," he started in a monotone voice, "what just happened, it showed me how much I'm not ready for this."

"This?" she whispered.

"This. Commitment, relationship...stuff, kids. This."

"Hawk," she said slowly, "half an hour ago, you were the one that said you wanted the kid. That was you, not me."

"I know. That was just me wanting to be supportive, all right? But I'm done. I just don't feel it anymore."

When she flinched and her eyes flooded with all the pain she couldn't hide, Hawk felt his heart shatter into three thousand four hundred and sixteen pieces.

And every single fucking one of them belonged to her.

The gorgeous girl who he had to break up with.

"You don't mean that," she whispered.

"I do," he forced himself to say. "At first it was long distance, and exciting, and fun, but now it's normal and I realized I'm just not a relationship type of person. Sorry."

"Sorry." Hazel repeated. "Sorry? FUCKING SORRY?"

She jumped up and pointed a finger at him.

"You said you loved me!"

"I did...somewhat, but now I just-"

"Somewhat?" she asked, her voice going soft again, and this time she literally swayed a little from the hurt of it all.

Hawk remained silent and forced himself not to look away or do something stupid like kiss her.

"Look, I want you to stay here with Cece. Just until you get your own place. I'll stay with Barn, you won't see me again, okay?"

She closed her eyes for three and a half seconds, he counted, before she opened them again and Hawk visibly flinched.

They were dead.

Absolutely fucking dead.

All that light that he loved so much, all the vibrancy and beauty that was Hazel, her essence that made his day and brightened his world...was gone.

He did that to her.

He hurt her.

••••

"If you tell me that you broke up with Hazel, I'm going to punch you, brother," Barn said calmly pouring a drink before turning to Hawk.

Hawk dropped the bag and looked at Barn with a look that said he was so ready for someone to kick his ass.

"I broke up with Hazel."

Barn finished off his scotch, set it down with a sigh, walked over to hawk and punched him square in the face.

"You are one stupid mother fucker," he growled.

"It's what was best for her," Hawk said, wiping the drop of blood off of his lip.

"Bullshit it was," Barn said immediately, bringing Hawk's bag over to the couch in his apartment. "You got scared, and you ran. Plain and simple."

Hawk chose not to respond, instead sitting down on the couch and scrubbing his face with his hands.

"What started it?" Barn asked, sitting down next to him.

"We thought she was pregnant," Hawk said, leaning his head back against the couch, his eyes hollow. "I wanted to keep it, she didn't. After we fought, she pointed out that we didn't know for sure if she was, so we went to the doctor."

"She's not, right?"

"Fuck, no. But then I started thinking. If she had been pregnant, and we had that kid, she would be stuck with me for the rest of her life."

"Jesus, Hawk," Barn started, "not this shit again. You know-"

"Barn, I'm serious. She's absolutely fucking perfect, and she can do so much better than scum like me."

"Hawk, I swear to God, if you weren't a nineteen year old man, I would think you're a twelve year old girl. You have some serious self-esteem issues," Barn drawled, his eyes deadly serious.

"I'm bipolar, I have a terrible temper, she turns me into a fucking caveman, and any day, I could get seriously hurt or worse fighting, and where would that leave her?"

"Knowing that every second you were alive you loved her?" Barn answered with zero hesitation. "Because I can only imagine the type of bullshit you spewed to make a clean break, but I know it did not leave her knowing that you love her more than anything like I know you do."

Hawk flexed his jaw and shook his head.

"It was the only way," he muttered.

"Right, of course, it was the only way. Well, until you get your head out of your ass, you can crash on my couch. Just know that I know that you have just fucked up possibly the best thing to ever happen to you."

"Best thing to happen to me, probably the worst thing to happen to her. I just...fixed it."

"Fixed it, my tan muscular ass," Barn mumbled, walking away.