𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 - 𝐉𝐀𝐄𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐆

十三

Taeyong pov

When Johnny enters in the bathroom, he freezes. All my bruised skin is now revealed to him.
His eyes are becoming wet.

«Why didn't you told me you were hurt at this point?»
His voice is shaky.
I think he's going to cry.

Is it really this bad?
Why do I'm not shock too?
Why do I feel like it's normal?
Is it normal?
Is it not?
I don't really know anymore...

«You are so skinny Tae', I can easily see your ribs...»
Johnny comes closer to me, behind me and with the tips of his fingers he carefully touches my skin, he runs his fingers on it, softly like if I could break at his touch.

«You have so much scars...
Did Jaehyun made all of this to you?»
He asks, still running the tips of his fingers on my back, touching my scars, making me shiver.

«No, I also did a lot by myself.»
I answer, head down.
Shame.
I feel so ashamed to exposing me like a broken child.

But it's what I am really on the inside.

A broken child.

A sad child.

A depressed child.

A kid who don't want to grow up.

A kid who's scared.

Because in the end I'm just this.
Nothing more.

I try to act like an adult, living by myself with absent parents, because in the end I know that I'm nothing but a sad child, hurts by the real world.

I feel like the world is too painful for me to handle.
I feel like I'm never going to be better.
Like I'm born to be hurt by the others.

I want to be better, but I don't know if I really deserve better.

«When did you start cutting yourself Taeyong?»
Johnny demands, his voice still shaky and lower than usual.

«Two years ago, at the beginning of high school, the night when Jaehyun bullied me for the first time. I knew it was a bad idea, but I was so desperate. And now I just can't stop. It the only way I have to relieve my mental pain for a moment.»
I explain to him, pressing my naked back on his chest, silently asking him to back hug me.

He puts his strong arms around my fragile body. I feel so vulnerable, I'm pretty sure he could kill me if he wanted too, just by holding me too tight.
I'm so easily breakable.

«The next time you'll want to cut yourself, call me, I'll be here for you Tae'. You don't have to do this anymore. I'm here now.»
He whispers, his chin resting on the top of my head.

«Thank you so much Johnny. I was so scared that you would freak out and be angry at me after knowing this.»

«Don't thanks me, no need for it, I'm your best friend Tae, I'll always be here for you.»
He says as he lowers his head to kiss my left cheek.

«Can you help me to disinfect the fresh cuts?»
I demand.

Johnny nods his head, open the medicine chest to take disinfectant and sterile pads.

When the cold liquid touches my wounds, the pain makes me squeak.
Johnny gives me a 'sorry' look and put band-aids on the still open wounds.

After finishing to help me treating my injuries, we go in the kitchen dowstairs, making us food.

And for the first time in a while I sincerely enjoy eating a real full meal.

We eat in silence, not an uncomfortable one, but more of a peaceful and comforting silence.
Like we're both relieve about my earlier confession, comfort by the trust between us two.

When Johnny's finishing the dishes his phone rings.

«Could you answer it and putting it on speaker for me please? My head are wet.»
He asks as he turn off the water.

I nod and put his phone on speaker.

«[Johnny? It's me.]»

«Hi dad, what can I do for you?»

«[ I need you to come at the hospital, your mother had a bad fall in the stairs, her back is very injury.]»
Johnny's dad says in one-breath and a rush of panic appears on Johnny's face.

«I'm coming the faster that I can.»
Johnny says before hanging up, not bothering to wait for his dad answer.

I put my hand on his shoulder as he dries his hands.
«Are you going to be okay? You can take my mom's car to go faster to the hospital.»
I tell him before stretching him the car's key.

He takes it and quickly kiss my forehead.
«I'm going now, thanks Tae, try to sleep, I'll text you to keep you up with the situation. Love you.»

«Love you too. Be careful with your drive.»
I answer back before letting him go.

I watch Johnny getting off of the drive before turning off the living room's light and going upstairs.

I lay down on my bed, my eyes fixing the ceiling.
I hope Johnny's mother going to be fine.
I know they're not a very close family but they still caring for each other, at their own detached way.

Johnny don't talk a lot about his mother but every time he does, he has stars shinning into his eyes when his pronounce the word "mom".

I imagine a little Johnny begging his mom to play toys cars with him, and I laugh a bit at the mental image of it.

After a long music session, I was about to fall asleep before being take off of my bed by violent knocks on the door.

I look at the clock on my wall. 11PM.
Who the fuck would come knocking at my place at such a late hour?

I rush to the door as the violent knocks continue.
Fuck this.
I open the door not bothering to ask who it is.

And my jaw almost falls on the ground at the sight of a soaking wet Jaehyun.

His right hand firmly holding his left shoulder.
Blood. A lot of blood.

«Let me enter Taeyong...please... I beg you...»
He whispers between his teeth, visibly in suffer.

And I do something totally crazy.

I let him in.

I let my bully enters into my house.

————————————————
bonjour,
(please read it's important)

i say that again cause i know a lot of us struggles with mental illness and deals with all kind of mental issues and traumas.
i know that my story can triggered on some point, and i'm sorry about that.
honestly I, myself are triggered sometime by my own story...
i suffered of very hard bullying when i was in middle school, i suffered of depression for years and i fight with eating disorder and personality disorder.

i know what you go through and feel if you're in this case too.

if you need to talk, don't hesitate to come to me. i'm here to listen to you and help you if you need it.
you're not alone.
you can send me a message here or on my instagram @/zackburkhardt.

don't be shy or scared, talking and asking help is important, you don't have to fight all this alone.
being a teenager is hard, being a young adult is hard, i know it, but you're not forced to go through this alone.

your mental health is important, don't hesitate to ask for help if you need too.

i love you all.
you are beautiful,
and you deserve all the love of the world.
please stay safe babies.

next chapter sunday, please look forward to it!

- 𝔃𝓪𝓬𝓴