Senseless ↠ Peter Parker

38

(Y/N POV)

Alone and insane.

Happy birthday Y/N Stark.

Never thought I have to celebrate a Birthday and a funeral in one! Wow, what a great two for one deal, celebrating life and death at the same time. Especially when it's your dad.

I'd been holed up in my room for hours upon end, wishing I stopped him before he got in the car. Told him to stay with me, because the world was fine as it was. I had him with me then, and it was so much better.

"Y/N?"

The door to my room pushed open slightly, and Peter slipped silently inside. I couldn't bear to look at his face, not after what happened. What he let happen.

"Go away," I said, shoving my face in my tear-stained pillow, "I don't want to talk to you."

The boy was silent, he just stood there staring at me. It was like he was unsure what to do, what to say even.

"I said go away," I spat out, "you have no right to be here."

"I just wanted to check on yo-"

"I SAID GO AWAY! FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"I just want to make sure you're okay.." he said softly.

"Okay?" I yelled, "You want to make sure I'm okay?!"

"Yeah..."

I couldn't control the screaming, or the words. My mind was a pit of anger and hatred, spewing out whatever I thought.

"You watched him die," I sobbed, "you let him die!"

"It wasn't anyone's fault," Peter started, "calm down, please.."

"NO. I'M NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN UNTIL YOU LEAVE."

"You're not the only one who lost him, you know that?" Peter said, his tone raising.

I pushed him to the edge, I know I did. I kept pushing him away, when all he was trying to do was help. But I couldn't stop seeing my dad in my mind. I missed the way he'd smile at me when I told him about my day; the way he'd pull me into a hug when I was sad. But he wasn't here to hug me.

And I'd never hug him again.

"I lost him too, you realize?" the boy continued, "He was like a father to me."

"Of course I realize that!" I spat out, "but just because you didn't have a dad, doesn't mean you can call him yours."

I knew what I said was wrong. I had no excuse. Peter's body flinched, and he stared coldly at the ground. I could almost hear his heart stop beating. The room was deadly silent, both of us were frozen. What I said was uncalled for, and I needed to apologize.

"Fine," he said, "you're right."

"Peter, I'm sor-"

"I know you are. But I promised your dad I'd take care of you, so that's why I'm not going to leave."

"How are you going to promise to take care of me, when you couldn't even keep him safe?"

"Y/N, it was his choice!" he exclaimed, "it was his decision to save the world."

"But what was the point?" I retorted, "What's the point of living in a world without him?"

"Because a world with him wouldn't be a world. And he knew that. He was the only one who could do it, do you understand? He traded his life for the life of half the population."

"I- just want him back.." I sobbed.

"We both know that can't happen..."

"It can! We can go back in time to before he left, and tell him to stay!"

"Y/N..."

"Please.... Please Peter.."

"I'm sorry. I really am..."

I stared at him with an empty soul, my heart glazed over entirely. I knew he was right, but I didn't want to admit it. Why did my dad always have to be the hero? Why couldn't someone else be?

Happy birthday Y/N Stark.