To: Spider-Dweeb (P. Parker x Reader)

✆ 𝙳𝚘𝚞𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝙰𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝 ✆

✆ Ｔｅｘｔ✆
╔  Regular- (y/n)  ╗
╚ Bold- ned ╝

So I watched your video

And...?

You practically told Peter that you think he's hot to his face

Show me the receipts

"gotta be hot with and without said mask then. Spider-Man has that covered. trust me, I'm an expert"

You're putting words in my mouth

ViDeO EvIdEnCe

Then it was staged
A lot of YouTubers stage their videos. How do I know this? Because I'm now YouTube famous and staged that

No you didn't

Hypothetically, let's say I didn't stage that. How is this any of your concern?

Let me spell it out for you: d-a-t-e
DATE ALREADY

I don't see how that's any of your concern. Please try again

Peter = my friend
You = my friend
Peter + you = 2 teenagers in love who refuse to admit their feelings to one another b/c they're chickens
Peter + you + dating = my happiness

Damn Daniel, back at it again with the white vans

Why are you like this?

Trauma
Also, calling me a chicken is a complement because I love chickens

Eating chicken or the living breathing bird?

Both...
And I couldn't date Peter even if I wanted to because he does dumb shit like go after saggy nut chined Barney, and flake away because glow in the dark Fruity Pebbles control the universe
And I just can't have a flakey boyfriend. Nobody wants that. What if he flakes away when we're supposed to go on a date?

That was a lot to take in but what I got out of it is that you want to date Peter

That's not at all what I said

I read in between the lines

There's nothing to read into
Sure, Peter just happens to be mildly attractive and have a great personality and also be Spider-Man, but that doesn't mean I like like him

I'm loosing brain cells thanks to you

I try
I bet our zodiac signs aren't even compatible

Are you seriously one of those kind of people?

No, but maybe the stars don't lie
I should ask Thor if all that astrology stuff is real or not
You think he would know?

Possibly. I mean, he is over 1,000 years old so he might have some insight
Plus he lived in space

For being 1,500 years old, he doesn't look a day over 30