The Marauders: Year Seven Part Two

Why Am I Here

It had been days since the battle and James had a lot on his mind. 

"Potter?" Lily's voice seemed like a distant echo. "Potter?" She poked his arm.

"Hm?" James blinked at her in confusion, then realized that he had lost his focus in the middle of her talking to him and he flushed, "Sorry, Evans."

Lily reached up and smoothed the hair from his forehead, looking at him with worry in her bright green eyes.

"I can't stop thinking about everything," James admitted with a heavy sigh. They were sitting together in the Gryffindor common room. It was Saturday, and Sirius was up at the hospital wing with Remus still, while Peter was at the table behind them, doing homework that was past due for Care of Magical Creatures. The other students were off doing fun things - it wasn't frigid outside, so a good deal of them had gone to play in the snow. James just wasn't up to it, and neither was Lily, although Marlene Mackinnon had asked her at lunch if she wanted to try at ice skating with her and Emma Vance later, saying that they needed a break from all of the thinking they had been doing, too. Lily wished she could take a break - wished James could, too, but it was clear, the look on his face, that he couldn't. His eyes met hers. "I just wish I knew what happened to them, like for closure... and Regulus, Regulus hasn't come back either and even though Sirius won't talk about it, I just... I know he's really worried about him."

"I know," Lily said. She shifted so her weight was against him and laid her head on his chest. "Do you reckon there's any chance...?"

James shook his head. "If I did, you know I wouldn't be sitting here, waiting for them to just show back up. I'd be searching every bare mile of the bleedin' UK to find them." He stared at the fire. "...after everything I did to save her, all the things I lost... I --" James shook his head.

Lily looked up at him. Although she didn't fully understand - she did remember the night they had tea in her bedroom, the night James Potter proved that he had somehow altered time itself for Maryrose's life... and now that life was gone.

"I reckon Regulus is alright, just... somewhere with You Know Who, somewhere playing the part he has to play. I'm sure he'll be back in time for classes..." James mused. "And he'll talk to us again when the time is right and it's safe to... he did a bloody good job keeping his secret..."

Lily nodded.

James closed his eyes and images of Maryrose flooded his mind. He had never appreciated her, he'd always been too busy thinking of Lily, and although he didn't regret a moment of his time with Lily, or the choices that he'd made, he did wish that he had been a little more gentle and kind to the beautiful soul that was Maryrose Jenkins. He'd never deserved her kindness and understanding. He'd never gotten to tell her thank you for being such a light in the dark.

"James?"

He opened his eyes and found Ollie in front of him, looking quite shy. "Hey," James said, smiling, "How's my star Seeker?"

Ollie flushed. "I - I'm alright, I s'pose," he stammered. Then, "Dumbledore asked me to come fetch you."

James looked at Lily, and Lily's eyes reflected the worry he felt. He'd been dreading this - worrying what kind of punishment he would be given for dragging so many of the Hogwarts students into a fray like the one at Fallengunder castle. Gods, he thought, he was really gonna get it. Surely Dumbledore was about to give him a long lecture about life and death and the situation that James had caused by not going straight to Dumbledore in the first place.

James stood up and Lily stared up at him as he straightened his jumper and ran a hand through his hair, tossing it in the same way that she'd once found infuriating, but now found endearing... "Well, Evans, was nice being your boyfriend. Reckon I'm about to spend the rest of my life in detention or something."