Chapter 9: Bella or Clary?

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"Why are we here?" Aaron asks from behind me.

I snort. "I'm here because this is my house and I live here. I don't know why you're here, but you're welcome to leave."

I don't turn around from my desk, where I'm sitting and reading Pride and Prejudice.

Or, trying to read Pride and Prejudice.

Aaron won't shut up, so the whole reading thing isn't going so well.

"That's not what I meant, Cassie."

I roll my eyes at my book.

"I meant," he continues. "Why do you think we're here? Like, in the sense of the universe and our purpose in life kind of way?"

I turn around and eye Aaron, who's laying on his back on my bed.

After Mom left my room, Aaron closed my window and plopped himself on my bed when I sat down at my desk.

And he's been here for the last hour or two; he hasn't stopped fucking talking, and I'm so close to murdering him with a smile on my face.

I shrug at him. "Never really thought about it."

He gives me a look. "What do you mean you've never really thought about it?"

I shrug again. "Don't know. I just... haven't."

He makes a sound. "Well, I have. I think about it all the time, and I can't come up with a reason."

"Then there isn't one."

He sits up. "Why not?"

I sigh. I really don't know why, I just know that there isn't. What I told Aaron is true; I've never really thought about why we're all here and finding my purpose in life.

"We're born, we live, we die. That's all there is. Even if there is a reason behind the fact that humans evolved from lesser beings, and a reason why we can think and things like that, it doesn't matter. Even if we do have a purpose, we're still going to die. Nothing we do is going to change that. Nothing anybody does is ever going to matter because, one day, every last human on this planet is going to die and no one will be around to remember humans and I don't think the flora and fauna will really give a fuck."

He's silent before speaking. "That's a really sad way of looking at the world."

"Yeah," I say softly. "I know."

Somebody told me that once, a while ago.

Multiple people have, actually.

They were all really big parts in my life, but they left when they promised they wouldn't.

Or worse, they didn't promise at all.

"Have you ever thought that, because no one's going to be around one day, we should all be as good as we can?"

I think about it. "Doesn't make sense."

He sits up and rests his elbows on his knees.

"Yes it does."

I roll my eyes. "To someone with your level of intelligence, yeah."

"Funny," he says dryly. "But, seriously, think about it. If we're all going to die and the human race is going to go extinct, shouldn't we try to make the world as good a place as we possibly can?"

"But it won't matter. Even if we do mess up the planet so bad to the point where nothing can survive, it wouldn't matter."

"So we should just not care what we do because it won't matter in the long run?"

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