𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐚'𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐱. carl grimes

EIGHTEEN: you're important to me and your dad i guess

"Finn wake up" Carl whispers harshly in my ear.

I opened my eyes to find the I had fallen asleep next to Carl sitting on the floor with our back to the couch with my head on his shoulder. I quickly move my head embarrassed about the way I was sleeping. "What's wrong?" I ask.

Carl points over to his father sleeping on the couch behind us. I see Rick hand start to twitch and his breathing get heavier. He was coming back.

I scramble over to the other side of the room and Carl follows. He picks up the gun on the table next to us and Rick falls off the couch. I look over at Carl as he loads the gun, I can see the tears streaming down his face.

"Let me do it" I whisper as I reach for the gun.

Carl shakes his head, "N-n-no I have to"

Rick's hand streches out towards the gun. Carl starts sobbing uncontrollably and I feel my own tears running down my face. The sound of Carl's sobs are different from when he lost Judith, they are now filled with despair and regret. Rick was his last living family member and now he has to shoot him.

Rick's hand falls onto Carl's shoes and the boy lowers the gun. "I can't" he says through the sobs. He buries his head in my shoulder and I can feel his tears soak my shirt. I wrap my arms around him, they tingle at his touch. I quickly shake off that feeling and grab the gun.

"I was wrong. Just do it" he whispers into my shirt.

I pull the gun up and aim it at Rick. Carl braces himself and I pull him in closer. I don't want him to be here for this but I have to do this now. I put my finger on the trigger and was about to pull it when Rick whispers, "Carl"

Carl lifts his head to look at his father. "Don't go outside. Stay safe" Rick mumbles before collapsing once again on the ground.

Carl scoots over to Rick and I follow. His picks up his father's head and rests it in his lap. "I'm scared" Carl whispers to his dad and puts his forehead to his dad's. I wrap my arm around Carl to let him know that I won't let anything happen to him.

"I'm scared" he whispers again.

——————

I walk into the living room and sit down next to Carl and his father. Our backs against the couch like last night.

"You shouldn't have risked it, going out like that. It's dangerous" Rick mumbles through his swollen lips.

Rick definitely looks a lot better today but he's still pretty beat up. There are still lots of cuts across his face and his nose is very swollen, it may even be broken. I make a mental note to clean some of his cuts when he gets done talking.

"We were careful" Carl replies.

Rick nods, "It's good that you found more food."

I look over at Carl and we exchange looks. "We found more but we ate it" I say.

Rick looks over at the two of us obviously confused, "What was it?"

Carl giggles, "112 ounces of pudding"

We all laugh a little and Rick continues to speak, "I know things will never get back to the way they used to be. I hung onto that for you, Judith..." Rick stops at the thought of his daughter.