Make Them Scream

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I need to sleep. I need to sleep.

I repeated the thought again and again. If I chanted it for long enough, maybe it would come true. I blinked, but I couldn't keep my eyes shut.

Staring through darkness, I could just make out Jake sleeping in the bunk across from me. His chest rose and fell rhythmically, and his arm was flung haphazardly across his face, hiding his scruffy beard. The sound of his breathing and intermittent snoring kept me up. The noise filled the space, ringing in my ears along with the dull roar of the bus's engine.

I pinched my eyes shut, like that might somehow block out the noise, and rested my head against the cold bus window on the far side of my bunk. My mind spun as thoughts tumbled around half-formed. I tried to latch onto them, but they remained out of reach, taunting me.

Stop thinking. Stop thinking.

I took a deep breath, but the humid air and the lingering smell of stale beer and sweat didn't help with my motion sickness. The bus jolted as we bumped over something on the road, and my stomach lurched. My head rattled against the window. I grimaced. The glass vibrated and buzzed like the bus was trying to shake itself apart. The bunk across from me creaked as Jake stirred and rolled over, but he didn't wake up.

Lucky bastard.

I wasn't going to sleep tonight. It wasn't going to happen. I took out my phone and hit the home button. The bright glow of the screen burned my dilated eyes, and I squinted until the display became clear.

2:47 a.m.

I scowled. How was it not even three yet? I'd been lying here for what felt like hours.

I flipped my phone to the camera and put it in selfie mode. There was just enough ambient glow from the emergency lights at the floor of the bus to illuminate my face. I pushed my mess of dyed-black hair out of my eyes, trying to untangle it. I needed to fix my roots, but I knew I would fuck it up for sure. Maybe I could get Veronica to do it for me.

The heavy bags under my eyes looked even darker than usual, but other than that, I didn't look too bad for a guy who hasn't slept in nearly three days.

I put on a slight smile and snapped a photo of myself. I took two more in case the first turned out bad. After sitting up, I opened Instagram and switched from the Make Them Scream shared account to my own. The screen froze for half a minute as it loaded, stretching to get signal. The bus's WiFi crapped out two days ago when someone spilled beer on the router, and we hadn't been able to get it working since.

"Come on." I shook the phone and tapped the cracked, smudged screen, like that might somehow help it load. "Stupid piece of shit." Finally, the main screen popped up, and I uploaded the picture of myself.

3am on the tour bus somewhere in Montana and I can't sleep. Too excited for the show tomorrow night. Looking forward to seeing all of your beautiful faces Seattle. xoxo Alex

After cringing at the caption I'd typed and vomiting in my mouth just the tiniest little bit, I added the obligatory hashtags:

#MakeThemScream #Wolfpack #DontBlinkTour2019 #Seattle #IveSoldMySoul #LoveMe #AttentionWhore #Desperate

I quickly backspaced the last four tags and hit the post button.