The signs as Rosa Diaz quotes:
Aries: "I'm gonna punch him so hard in the mouth that he bites his own heart."
Taurus: "You can hate people and still think they're hot."
Gemini: "It's very embarrassing having feelings."
Cancer: "See, what happened is your dads had sex."
Leo: "Blink twice if you'd like me to mercy kill you."
Virgo: "Always be on the move. Never be static. Like a shark."
Libra: "Just smack him. Hard."
Scorpio: "I'd rather walk into the freezing ocean."
Sagittarius: "You can't let other people's opinions get in the way of what you want, especially because other people suck."
Capricorn: "I'm gonna wait 'til I'm on my deathbed, get in the last word and then die immediately."
Aquarius: "It's the one without any blood on it."
Pisces: "My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles."
(A/N: If you don't know who Rosa Diaz is, she is a character on the Brooklyn Nine-Nine)"
