His Nerd

Chapter Forty-Six

HELLOOOO!!

I'M SORRY FOR BEING SO SHITTY LATELY!

Classes have come in session which means...

They killing me..

In all seriousness, I've been preoccupied in assignments and studying so I apologize

and I also apologize for how short this is but this chapter is more for how they are feeling than anything else 

Also...

Drum roll please...

I ASSURE YOU TOMORROW I WILL BE POSTING ...

TWO CHAPTERS

Okay umm..I love you, thanks, bye!

Oh also, just so you guys know, I do read all your messages and comments and when I say some of ya'll have made me cry....I mean..some of ya'll have made me fucking cry a damn river with tears of joy

I can't express how much your kind words mean to me and I'm just so thankful and happy you guys are enjoying this story so thank you..thank you for not only allowing me to write but for also giving me another reason to smile

OKAYYYY IM DONE 

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                          That smile was and will always be the prettiest thing I have ever seen

I continued to watch as her right-hand thumb continued softly caressing the thin paper as her eyes were glued to the pages in excitement and anticipation

As her eyes continued skimming through the pages, the subtle smile that was carved to her face grew to a wide grin causing my own lips to quirk upwards as I watched her try and fight off the grin but fail miserably before resorting to placing her hand over her mouth

I've never understood her deep endearment with literature but seeing her eyes gleam and shine with such a ray of happiness made me want to buy her a whole damn library if it meant that I would always see her this happy

I couldn't take my eyes off of her

She was the closest thing to sunshine

and I was sunburnt

When the guilt came back to haunt me, I took a deep breath in

I reluctantly ripped my eyes off of her as I began feeling the ache that has lingered with me since that night

Everything hurts now

Every damn thing

I scanned for her once more before I saw her taking a sip of her coffee looking content 

The sight itself killed me

My hands were itching to grab her

to feel her

The small self-restraint I had was cracking as my body and mind were pleading me to storm up to her and feel her soft lips on top of mine again

But I knew I couldn't do that

I know now

To be better, my love, I must walk this journey alone

Then and only then will I be who you need me to be

I will have you in my arms again but this time I will make sure you stay forever

She gave me a glimpse of what happiness felt like 

and I'm one fucking greedy bastard 

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                                                                      ANGELA'S P.O.V.

My eyes absorbed the words like a sponge as I no longer tried concealing my excited facial expressions 

I relaxed back in my chair as I closed my eyes taking a deep breath in and savoring the moment

I let the happiness soak into my bones as I hoped to once again feel this relaxation 

I realized something

One can never feel true happiness without feeling pain

We need pain to understand happiness

If we don't feel pain or humility or insecurity or jealousy, and instead constantly felt 'joy' would we really be feeling joy? Or would we be feeling numb?

How would we know what joy felt like if we never felt hurt?

Happiness is a 10 second feeling we hold onto and use as motivation to wake up the next day

Right now, I'm content

I'm so fucking content

I also learned something very cliche

One who does not love herself will never be able to fully love others

I wanted to grow

I wanted to love

I wanted to be proud of myself

So, I've been focusing on me

I've been self-reflecting, self-accessing, and self-loving

I learned from my mistakes and I can't thank that person enough because without him

I wouldn't have found love in myself