An Old Friend ✔️

ONE

Envision a nightmare. 

Your worst nightmare. 

What do you think of? 

Demons? Ghosts? Heart wrenching fears? 

That's typical. 

But I envision angels. 

One particular angel.

An angel with perfectly quaffed raven hair, warm dark brown eyes, and full pillowy lips softer than satin. My angel has a deep husky voice and knee weakening smile that can literally make you stop breathing.

A true angel, with a gentle heart, an old soul and an intellectual mind. 

An absolutely beautiful angel.

But he's not just any angel.

This angel is my demon. 

That's what demons are right? Fallen angels? 

This angel is the demon haunts my dreams, twisting them into nightmares. 

Body numbing nightmares that pulls fear from my soul and true tears from my eyes. I hyperventilate, sweat, and panic at each wake, waiting for my mind to realize it wasn't real so my body can calm and relax. 

This has got to stop. 

It has been over 8 years since I've seen him. 

It has been over 8 years since I've talked to him. 

The very demon, the fallen angel that haunts my nightmares is indeed someone I know. 

Someone I know very well.

Someone I have known since I was a little girl. 

Someone I cried with. 

Someone I confided in. 

Someone I fell in love with.

Someone I think about every day, even after 8 years of no contact.

His voice resonates in my brain and I can remember how warm and comforting his hugs were. I can hear his laugh, and feel the ghost of his fingers between mine. 

I watched him love everyone around him, but never me. 

That was my living nightmare. 

My teenage years were torture, being 'friend zoned' by my dearest and closest friend. He loved me, sure. But he always loved me as his friend, he never loved me as a woman. He saw me as a sister, as part of his family, but never in the light of romance. 

It was pure torture. 

Kim Seokjin was my best friend for 15 years. 

He and his family moved across the street from my family when I was 5 years old. That whole summer we spent together, and when we started school, he was the youngest in our class being a full year younger than the rest of us. 

He was a genius. 

Smarter than any person I have ever met in my life, he could have finished school before the rest of us, but insisted on having a normal high school life. 

I never felt alone with him. I never felt afraid. He was my support and my encouragement. He made me laugh when I was sad, and came to me with all his own secrets.

He was my world. 

I never dated; I never saw anyone else but him. 

And believe me I tried.