when i'm gone

together at last

time skip oooop
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i waited anxiously at the airport with a sign and flowers. i bounced on my toes excitedly. billie was coming home! and finneas... the father of my baby. for some reason i wish i didn't have to see him. i was terrified and confused and i just didn't know how to feel about him. i love him, but.... in what way? i saw fans lined up outside her terminal and they all had little gifts and were wearing her merch. a girl with vivid makeup on and straight long black hair that was held back by a blohsh beanie walked up to me. "are you a big fan of billie?" she asked and i laughed. what a strange question to hear. i'm a huge fan. her biggest in the world. i'm devoted to her. "oh, i'm actually her girlfriend," i said trying to hold back a screech of laughter. "haha, don't we all wish!" she laughed as if she thought it was a joke.

"no, really," i responded. "heh, you're funny. i'm excited to see her, too." her attention shifted when screams came from farther down. both of us shot our attention down to the gate and we both called out billie's name. she was running down, touching all of their hands. she looked exhausted, but spirited. she had a big smile on her face that was real, but large dark eye bags and droopy eyelids. her hair that seemed to be getting darker looked unwashed and knotty, but still perfect somehow as it bounced on her shoulders. billie didn't know i would be here. she was getting closer and emotion was building up in me quickly. billie was almost here. we made eye contact and her eyebrows went up and she slipped a lower lip.

she had puppy dog eyes now and i dropped the flowers and poster and slipped under the rope. i outstretched my arms to her and she did the same. we collided into each other's arms and i felt safe again. i held her warm body close that smelled so good and was so comfortable to collapse onto. "i'm home baby," she whispered into my shoulder, her hot breath wafting against my cheek. i sniffled in her hair and tried my best not to sob everything out of me. it felt like a part of me had been put back together and the weights on my shoulders lifted. everyone looked at us confused. billie pulled my face up, both hands on my cheeks and dragged me in for a kiss.

everyone went silent. all i could hear were me and billie's heartbeats in sync. it wasn't a sexual kiss or a make out. just a big precious soft kiss. every fan started screaming and i saw flashes of phone cameras going off and the sounds of them being taken. billie pulled away and grinned at me. "is this ok?" i asked nervously. this has never happened before. we've never kissed in public. "i want them to know," she reassured me, "i'm proud of this. we aren't just a thing, will. will you be my girlfriend? my girlfriend girlfriend? as our official title?" i nodded excitedly. "you're my best friend, bil." "you're my everything will."

girls were screaming and crying. the girl who spoke to me in line stared enviously at me. i winked at her and mouthed i told you so. i held billie's hand as everyone took pictures of us. i saw maggie filming all of the crowd until she put the phone down and embraced me in welcoming arms. "hi willow, ooh, i've missed you! we have so much to talk about, honey." patrick walked up to me next and as we hugged he patted my back. "hey kiddo." i could feel his cheeks lift into a smile against my head. i let go of him and saw finneas approaching me. he was ignoring all of the fans that reached out desperately to touch him. it was like all of his focus was on me.

i fell gently into his hard chest and felt his big arms around my shoulders. i breathed deep into him and clutched the back of his jean jacket. i shuddered a little bit, knowing part of him was inside me. i could feel his hands shaking as he rubbed my back thoughtfully. i let go and looked up at him, terrified. i played with me hands and he separated them. "don't be afraid of me," he said, almost begging. "i'm not. i'm just scared for the future." finneas hugged me again, not as long as the first one, but more desperately and emotionally. finneas kissed the top of my head and then we all started heading for the van that waited outside.

as we escaped the crowd and got into the van, i pulled my phone out and looked through instagram. pictures of me and billie blew up everywhere. i was a little overwhelmed that none of that was private and now half the world had seen it, but as long as billie supported it, i did too. we got back to their house and they all were exhausted, so maggie and patrick said they'd rather catch up tomorrow. billie and i went straight to her bedroom. she had a concert tomorrow night and she needed the rest desperately. it was already almost 9 pm as i undressed and put on silky shorts and a sports bra. billie was practically wearing nothing. "i finally can not worry about people seeing me. i can't tell you how good this feels." i laughed and laid down in her comfortable bed.

billie laid down beside me in her mismatching bra and underwear set. we stared at each other and held hands. "i've missed you too much," she mumbled almost sadly. "i've missed you more than anyone could ever miss someone. i'm so glad youre back. i can't go one day without crying when you're not here." billie wiped her glossy red eyes and pulled closer to me. "are you... in the mood?" i asked unsure. billie was exhausted, i know, but... i won't get to do this forever. billie hummed a little of ocean
eyes then smiled a bit. was that a yes? i leaned in and kissed her slowly. our tongues met and locked our mouths together. i slid my hand across her boobs then onto her back, tickling it gently.

i snuck my hand down into billie's underwear and massaged between her legs. she let out a little gasp then made small, quiet moans. i moved my fingers faster and faster and billie bit her lip, her eyebrows scrunching together. i smiled at how beautiful she was. billie sighed as if she were relieved. she came down and relaxed her tense muscles. i pulled my wet fingers out from her and wiped them on my pants. billie smirked and crept downward with her tongue on my stomach. it tickled yet it was so pleasurable. she pulled down my shorts and stared between my legs. i looked at her excitedly. i've missed this feeling. billie dove straight in and i couldn't see her face anymore. her tongue rolled around and she sucked gently. i groaned and clutched the thrashed sheets. i enjoyed every second of this moment because i knew it wouldn't last forever. i pulled her head closer and gripped onto her hair. i let out a whine as i came down and she lifted her head to stare at me mischievously. she crawled in between my legs and rested her body right on my stomach and boobs, everything aligned. she crept her hand up and down my chest with such a serious look, almost too seriously and somewhat scary. there was a glare to her blue eyes. i cupped my hands on her face and liplocked with her.