41 : C for Clueless

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I wake up in the middle of the night, again unable to sleep. All I can think about is that moment in the Manor. Was he going to kiss me? I thought he just thought of me as a kid. I must have been imagining it. God.

To take my mind off it, I pull open Paige's diary, that I haven't touched for a long time. It's probably only been a week, but dust has collected on the front cover. The draw is dirty and murky.

I decide to return to my old position in chronological order. I'm too scared to keep reading backwards – the last time traumatised me. I have to figure out who she was cheating with – or who got her pregnant. Could it possibly have been Hayden? Should I be considering him a suspect?

My hands shake as I open the page. I shouldn't be so scared of words. They're just words.

I read for ten minutes. Most of it isn't macabre but mundane and I exhale in relief. She discusses her perfect exams results, how she won the captain election and other various stories. A lot of them make me smile and I wish for a second that I had written a diary – not even a diary but a series of letters. Letters for people to read when I'm gone. They'd probably all be for Sylv. Avalon would get a fair few. My Auntie and Uncle.

I'll write some soon. For now, focus.

Dear Diary – around the time Paige met Sylv

I met a boy today. His name is Sylvester Redpine. A handsome name for a handsome boy. He's very boy-next-door: family friendly, sweet, funny. He's perfect. I feel awful, knowing that I'm not over C. But Sylv is exactly who I need. He seems to be battling over the loss of someone too. I sense that it's his first love.

Who is C?

Dear Diary – the month Sylv and Paige started dating

My mother is enamoured by Sylv. He's not overly charming – not the kind of person who would be voted president. In fact, he can sometimes be really difficult to communicate with. We often fight about simple misunderstandings. He doesn't get me like C does. But despite his flaws, he has settled well into the family.

I know my parents would never accept C. They will see our relationship as inappropriate and... may be outright disturbed. I understand, too. He was supposed to be my body guard, not my lover.

Woah-woah-woah. Ok. Paige had a bodyguard? Is this bodyguard/ lover the mystery guy that got her pregnant? She was using Sylv to get over him? Did she ever even... love Sylv?

My head spins, but not in the overly anxious, sickening way. I feel as though, of all the new information I have uncovered, this is the least gut wrenching.

I notice a drop of blood splat onto the page in front of me. Then another. I look up to the roof – nothing. Then I taste blood. Another nose bleed? Maybe I broke my nose.

I run to the bathroom and use toilet paper to clean myself up. Auntie Helen waltzes in with perfect timing.

"Honey, what's wrong?" she says, instantly sensing somethings off.

"Nose bleed," I grumble.

"You said you would go to the doctor for your cold," she says, "they'll probably give you some steroids for your sinuses again like last time. I think it's another infection."

"It's nothing!" I shake my head.

Auntie Helen looks shocked at my outburst. I don't want to tell her I got into a fight and it's probably that.

"Sorry, I'm just... drained. It's from the fire. I'm drained." It's not a complete lie.

"It's ok, sweetie."

"Why are you awake this early anyway?"

"Morning sickness," she says but with a smile.

Eventually she leaves and I return to the diary, trying to piece together the identity of C.

.

.

.

In the morning, I go to school and go straight to the murder board. I write down my new idea's about her bodyguard, also known as 'C'. The room feels particularly large and empty today. I know that Sylv isn't going to peep his head in anytime soon. I know Avalon is probably too scared to look for me and I know that I don't have any other friends. Maybe Jeffery, if I'm being generous.

I feel a buzzing in my pocket. The first name that pops into my mind is Sylv. I suck in a breath with anticipation. Did he get my note?

It's Adrian. But for some reason, I'm not disappointed. I bring the phone to my ear, the cool screen clacking into my earrings. "What's up?" I say, focussing on the murder board.

"I'm assuming 'the sky' would be the wrong answer."

I groan through the phone.

"I just wanted to book you out for tomorrow afternoon to go track down the nanny. Miss Philipa Ardent."

I open my mouth to say yes, then I remember it's Winter Formal. I completely forgot about it. I haven't even asked anyone. I haven't asked Sylv – if he even get's out of hospital in time.

"It's Winter Formal," I say. "Reschedule for the weekend?"

"You have a formal and you didn't invite me?" he says with mock shock.

A laugh slips through my teeth. "Can you do the weekend or not?"

"We may. We'll meet at-"

I stop listening to him as movement from the corner of my eye catches my attention. I whip my head around to see a middle aged man in a cleaning outfit poke his head into the room. He doesn't seem to notice me as he intently scrutinises the murder board.

I clear my throat. He disappears, ducking away as quickly as he appeared without turning back to face me. That was extremely strange.

"Rose?" he hums.

I tell him about the weird cleaner. Then we discuss our plans for the weekend and I hang up.

As I'm about to leave school and head to Belle's, detective Tallon knocks on the door and lets himself in.

"Miss Chosen, may I speak with you?"

I nod and gesture for him to come closer. I take a seat on one of the desks and he stands a few meters in front of me.

"I've been meaning to ask how exactly you found out about Paige's pregnancy?"

It becomes clear to me that Tallon hasn't spoken to anyone about the pregnancy. Perhaps he doubts me and doesn't want to question his superiors or accuse them of screwing up the autopsy.

Then I realise that it's going to be hard to lie myself out of this one. I can't give up the diary. Not yet.

"I just know."

He squints at me. "Miss Chosen, I need your help."

"And I'm telling you right now, that I know for a fact that she was pregnant. You can trust me, or you can ignore me." I stand my ground. Authority doesn't scare me. Just wrinkly elders. Lol.

"Do you have any idea who got her pregnant?"

"Not yet," I say. I want to tell him about C. I trust him – but right now the only thing I am is clueless and I don't want to give him a meaningless letter.

"Alright," he says. "Thankyou."

He leaves.

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