Crumble (1)

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-Izuku POV-

I was already a week into classes, I was so tired all the time. Always distracted as much as I was happy to just step foot in that school. The high school I always wanted to be in, I always dreamed of, but it feels like I forgot all about it. 

This summer didn't go so well. 
Actually it might've been one of the worst summers of my life.
Now I'm here, feeling like my dreams never even mattered. All because of one person. 

Bakugou Katsuki. 

♡♡♡

It was the beginning of summer, I thought we were getting along again. We started to, when our moms forced us to make up we did. It grew into something more, what I thought was the best year of my life. It was like we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. Always fighting through issues right beside each other, growing together. When we could finally forget about all the times we hurt each other as kids. 

It felt like I could only live in the moment, but I was also so excited for the future. I wanted to spend it all with him, and the day he told me he loved me is when I thought that it was all going to happen. Like it was all going to come true and I was going to live a perfect life, as I imagined. 

Everything was about him. Time was going so fast but waiting for us to be able to grow up and live together as we planned, it felt like time could never go slower. But it was alright, because I was happy. I really think that I was. 
I would've given up absolutely anything for him, maybe that was just me. 

I think that entire year was a giant mistake. I told him I don't regret it, but maybe I do. 

♡♡♡

I forgot that I'm so easily hurt when I care. But it came rushing back to me as I stood there, in front of my best friend. Kacchan.. or maybe I should call him Katsuki now. Or.. Bakugou? 

"H-Hey, uhm, you're cool and all but.. I think we should end it." "W-What?" I was in shock, I felt like such a fool. I felt like none of it was real and all of it was my imagination. Actually I hoped that this was. I stared at him, as he stood there, and I can't put my finger on it, but everything seemed completely different. 

The sunset behind him wasn't as pretty, the breeze didn't feel nice on my skin, it didn't feel like it was there at all. "W-Why?" My hands started to shake. "I don't know. I just, you're not right for me. Sorry. It just wasn't supposed to happen." Those words hurt, it sounds cliche but it's like he stabbed a knife right through me. Like I couldn't focus on anything but the pain. 

"I just don't feel it. I'm breaking up with you, I'm sorry." He put his hand in his pockets, "I-I can be better..! I can be useful for you! P-Please.." "I said, I'm sorry." "B-But what about everything we were talking about?" "I never believed it could happen." Maybe he was too damaged, maybe he didn't trust me, or maybe, I was just never enough. No matter how much I gave to him. 

I was the idiot, after he walked away. I was the person that got left behind, I was the person that actually believed something nice could happen to me. After that, he was on my mind even when I didn't want to think of him. And it still hurts, the fact that I was the only one that cared. I was the loser of the game he started. 

Maybe he was right, it was never supposed to happen. But why not? Am I just not allowed to be happy? So far he was the only source of happiness, am I too dependent? 
I don't know how to live with myself or for myself. I always serve others, and I always will. I know that. 

I never want to go through that again, I can never take another heartbreak. 

I think I cared too much. 
It hurts so much.
[a/n: ha I changed it so the comments won't make sense]

♡♡♡

Well it's been three months, I think I'm alright. But passing him in the hallways is always a big deal, just seeing him is scary. And it feels like I'm alone in an ocean full of people who don't know me. They don't know I need help, only he knew me. But he didn't like what he saw, I guess. 

I'm gonna get over it, one day, even though it feels like I never will. 
I hope that I will.

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