I'll Keep This Secret For You

Chapter 102

Bucky's POV:

I wake with a jolt. A nightmare, not a bad one but enough to rattle me. I look over to see (Y/N) still sleeping soundly amongst the darkness, facing away from me and unmoving luckily. Slipping out of the bed, I peak out the curtain and see that it is just first light, the hills surrounding us have a glow on their horizon.

I don't know if it's the nightmare or a genuine feeling but I am overcome with guilt and anxiety all of a sudden now that I've woken up this morning to a new day.

Don't get me wrong, last night was amazing. But it's the last thing I should've been doing when my friend is critically injured in hospital. Right? But then again, what about my family? All of that stuff we were saying to each other last night about being there for each other.

I seriously need something to do. That's just how I seem to work now. Whether that be exercise or work... just anything to keep my mind preoccupied.

I tiptoe out of the room to the bathroom and run the tap, splashing cold water on my face to try and clear my thoughts.

I know, I'll go for another run this morning on my way to the hospital, check on Steve then come back home for a bit this afternoon before going to stay with Steve and Peggy again tonight since I stayed at home last night. Yeah, that's how I'll do it, alternating nights between home and taking a turn looking after Steve.

Oh don't be stupid Barnes. You can't live your life like that.

Aggressively, I splash one last palm full of water over my face before letting out a frustrated grunt and standing up straight.

Why can't I just make up my mind about things? Why does everything have to seem so complicated?

I'm caught off guard by my reflection in the mirror. Well, not my own. I see (Y/N) leaning against the doorway, arms folded protectively over her chest and night gown wrapped loosely around her as she watches me, a mixture of concern and confusion painting her features.

"You okay?" She asks and steps up to behind me, snaking her arms around my waist and locking them together in front of me, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I don't know." I huff honestly as I reach back to stroke her soft hair. "I think I need to go check on Steve."

"At this time?" She pulls back and looks at me like I'm stupid. "Buck he won't be up or at the very least if he is he needs to rest... so do you I think. You still look exhausted."

"I know, but I can go for another run on the way or go to the gym or something and then just go sit by his bedside again." I protest.

"That's not going to do anything productive." She points out. "And you ran more than enough miles last night. Come back to bed for a little longer. Help me get the kids sorted once it's actually a decent time to get up and then I'll come down and see him with you. I want to see him too. If you're that desperate to exercise then we can walk down to shield with the twins in the pram. And then once we have caught up with them we can go from there with what's happening for the rest of the day or even over the next few days."

"Okay." I sigh and let her take my hand and lead me back to the bedroom.

"What did I say last night Buck? You put too much pressure on yourself which no one else does. You don't have to do everything alone. I want to help with Steve too," she says softly.

"I know doll, I'm sorry. Thank you." I mumble tiredly as she pulls me back to bed, already relaxing from her calming words.

We crawl under the covers and wrap our arms around each other, my chin resting just on top of her head. Soon enough I actually do manage to drift back off, much to my surprise.