Borderline

Nine

   I throw myself up, I'm hyperventilating. I'm covered in sweat. There are tears in my eyes. Briar is at my side saying words but I don't hear anything she's saying. After a few moments, I look at her and she's no longer talking. I just stare at her. Finally, she speaks again, only my name. "Margo?"

   "Yes?" I ask. I sound out of breath and exhausted. 

  "Are you okay? You were screaming right before you woke up." She sounds concerned. Both her hands are on the railing of my bed. I wipe the sweat off my forehead. 

   "Yeah, just a bad dream. No big deal."

   "How often do you get these?" She asks me. Before I had a chance the doctor burst in.

   "I heard screaming," he says approaching my bed. Briar informs him it was a nightmare. he then asks me the same question. "How often are these happening?"

   "Um...every time that I sleep. It's like a PTSD thing or something. I don't know." I look away from both of them. 

   "Maybe we should keep her a few more days to monitor these nightmares." He says to Briar. I turn back quickly.

   "No, I want to go back to the unit. Please. They can monitor me there!" Honestly, I was tired of sitting in a hospital bed day after day and only being allowed in the garden once a day. A girl can only play so many games of cards.

   "I want to start you on a medication called Prazosin, it's for nightmares. Your psychiatrist at Lake Oak can follow up with it. Does that sound okay?" I nodded. He said a few more things to Briar then informed me that I would be leaving today and to pack the few things I had. I hopped out of bed immediately and started folding my clothes. Amalee opened the curtain and watched me.

   "You're leaving?" She asks me.

   "Yeah. Not for home though, just back to the unit. It's better than here though."

   "Well I hope to see you soon," she says softly and closes the curtain.

...

   When the van pulls up to Lake Oak I almost throw myself out. I'm escorted back to Willow by some tech, Briar had to stay at the hospital with Amalee. When I get back to the unit Mali brings me to my room to do another search on me then welcomes me back and leaves. I start putting my clothes away when I hear a knock at my door. I turn and see Sophia, one hand clutched to a pole that holds her feedings. I run over to her and hug her gently. "I'm so happy to see you!" I tell her.

   "God, me too. Juniper has been running this place like she owns the whole hospital. The staff tries and corrects her but she only gets worse."

   "Oh god." I go back to putting my things away. 

   "That's where you come in." I stop what I'm doing and look at her.

   "Excuse me?"

   "You're the only one who will stand up to her."

   "I'm not starting any drama."

   "You don't have to! She'd bound to come at you now that you're back." I walk back over to Sophia. "She's tried with everyone."

   "Then the staff can handle it. That's not my job. I have no interest in getting into a fight or getting in trouble. I JUST got back from the hospital, I don't need to be sent back." I walked away again. I started pacing. I went back to my clothes. Pacing again. Clothes. Pacing. Clothes. Pacing. I finally stopped and looked at Sophia standing in my doorway. "Fine, what's been going on?" Over the next hour, Sophia filled me in on hour awful and torturous Juniper had been to every one. I'm going to be honest, it made me a little angry but I still refused to start any drama.  Only is Juniper came to me would I say something back. Sophia and I agreed this was a good idea and left me to finish putting my things away.

   An hour later it was dinner. We all filed into the cafeteria and sat at our regular tables. As Juniper passed my table I heard her voice, "For someone with an eating disorder that plate is a little full." then a laugh followed.

   "Excuse me?" I stood up and blocked her way.

   "You heard me." Juniper set her food down on the table next to her and crossed her arms. "How does a fat pig like you have an eating disorder. Stop lying to everyone." She laughed again. My face turned red.

   "Eating disorders are behavioral disorders, not weight disorders!" I blurted out. Juniper laughed again. 

   "Is that all you're going to say, really?"

   "Look Juniper, why the fuck do you have to be such a bitch to every single person you come in contact with. This is why you don't have any friends. This is why you are alone." People were starting to look now. "If you want friends if you want to ever recover you need to stop being a selfish cunt. Think of your actions, they have consequences." There was a rumor about Juniper but I never believed it to be true until now. They say on the outside she bullied someone to the brink of suicide. Luckily said person survived. Her anger was one of the reasons she was here, supposedly. "So stop being a bitch a get over yourself."

...

   I'm not sure who threw the first punch because after that I blacked out. When I came to both Juniper and I were both covered in a fair amount of blood. My nose was broken, but Juniper had a broken arm. Even though we got pretty deep into the fight we were separated fairly quickly. Nasty words flew between us and people cheered us on. I had stopped fighting with the staff and stood there, docile. Juniper continued to be a hassle and required multiple people to be held down. After all, was done I sat in the nurse's office waiting to get my nose reset. After I was escorted to my room and told I had to stay there for a certain amount of time. I plopped down on my bed and laughed to myself. I had won, I thought to myself, I was now the queen bee. 

   So, I smiled.