Four in the Morning

Fourty-One

A few days had passed since the fight had broken out between Seung and Yoongi, leaving him with a casted hand. It had also left him with a sense of uncertainty. Lightning cracked through the sky, flashing light into Yoongi's dimly lit room and the storm clouds rained mercilessly on anything below them. Yoongi sat alone at the foot of his bed in silence. Jimin had been spending past few days over Hoseok's house, which gave Yoongi the space he needed to sort his thoughts. He wasn't able to pinpoint exactly when he became so fed up with everything, but it was happening and it was hitting him all at once. He was, at this point, convinced that relationships weren't for him. He was tired of giving his all just for it to blow up in his face.

"Hey, you okay?" Hana knocked on Yoongi's slightly cracked door, peaking in to see him resting his head in his hands.

Yoongi was silent at first, debating if he should just be honest or lie his way out of it. He was too exhausted to explain. "Yeah, I'm okay." He didn't sound too convincing.

"Are you still thinking about the other day?" Hana sensed something was up, so she opened the door a bit wider. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I thought I would be happier with him, y'know?" Yoongi looked over his shoulder in Hana's direction. "But I'm not."

"Is it that you aren't happy with him, or you're not happy with yourself?" She asked, stepping inside and shutting the door behind her. "Or maybe it's both?" She took a seat beside Yoongi, gently placing her hand on his back.

"I don't know what it is, but I just want to be happy, Han." His voice wavered.

Hana sighed, and rubbed along his back in an attempt to comfort him. "You can't have the good without the bad, you know that."

"But, can't it at least outweigh the bad?" He sat up straight, looking to the ceiling to keep the tears that threatened to fall from doing so. "I can't keep going like this."

"You let everything get to you, and it's breaking you." Hana pulled him close, wrapping her arm around him. "Seung, Jaeyoon, and Siwon are all clouding your view of Jimin. Why do you let everything they say and do get under your skin?"

"They won't leave us alone, don't act like you don't know that." Yoongi scoffed. "They always show up unannounced, and they always have something to say. It's like they live to see us miserable."

Hana reached up to wipe the stray tear that snuck it's way down his cheek as he spoke. "And, what are you doing? You're giving them exactly what they want."

"I can't just let them disrespect me, let alone Jimin, and get away with it." He pulled away from Hana, turning away from her to watch the streams of rain dance down the window across the room. "You hear what they say, and you see how they act around us. You saw how badly Seung treated Jimin. He's lucky I don't kick his ass every time I see him."

"I get that, but not everything deserves a reaction." She tried to explain, but knew better that he wasn't going to listen. "It affects you more than it does them. I mean, look at you. You're a mess. And you know what? They're probably doing just fine."

Yoongi returned to resting his head in his hands. "I don't know, Hana. I think I just want to be alone right now. I don't really want to be bothered with anything or by anyone. I think I want to go away for a bit. Maybe, I'll go visit Eun. I know she misses us."

"You two just got back on track," Hana was a bit more concerned now than she had been before. She understood that things were difficult for him at the moment, but where things so bad that he had to remove himself from the situation completely? "What are you gonna tell Jimin?"

Yoongi exhaled a shaky breath, thinking about how much of a disappointment he might become to Jimin. "I'm not sure yet. I'm just scared and I need time to think." He admitted. In all honestly, Yoongi wasn't sure he even wanted to tell Jimin. How would he? How could he look Jimin in the eye and let him down, yet again? It seemed way easier to just disappear for the time being.