Chapter Thirty

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It's been a week since we've returned to Pierce's home. Everything I had hoped to find coming back wasn't here.

Nothing was the same.

I couldn't place it, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to but what I did know was that this place was shrouded in memories that I couldn't regain. My wolf fought me hard and Pierce always seemed to snap me out of it when I tried to think. It was becoming frustrating. I wanted to remember, but they all act like it wasn't worth remembering. I felt differently though.

I couldn't apologize if I didn't know what I was apologizing for. I couldn't be forgiven if I didn't know why I had to be forgiven.

My wolf was keeping secrets and hiding from me. I felt lonely, my heart hurt knowing my wolf didn't want to be present. That whatever he was hiding was more important then us being one. I must have hurt him as well.

When Pierce was home, he barely let me leave his side. Showering became a task. The Cat barely let me out of his sight when I bathed. He didn't let me touch my wounds, didn't let me look in the mirror. He was overprotective to a fault and that added on to my guilt.

The guilt I felt every time I looked at Pierce was crushing. Pierce played it off, but sometimes he'd look at me and there would be something that was off. I let a growl out in frustration. I couldn't be strong if I wasn't given the opportunity.

I needed my memories.

Yet when Pierce left for the day, I was always too fearful to chase the memories.

I would be too hesitant to touch my healing stomach, search the tree line.

Instead, I focused on his words.

The small looks he'd give me.

Words that he had once spoken, danced around my mind when he eyes gazed at me in certain ways. When he left me every morning, I would turn them over in my head.

"To mate an Omega would shame my family, oh no fleabag."

Words that I knew were true but I was too scared to question their authenticity. Words that left me alone.

I had a feeling he was trying to find a way to tell me I had to leave, or he was trying to let me know that I was no longer useful.

But then... at night, he would confuse me. He'd make sure to hold me. He surrounded me in his scent. The feeling of his weight, his arms, the feel of his breaths softly hitting my face as he slept, or the soft purring, all those things confused me.

I felt comfort from those arms.

I felt comforted by his voice, his presence.

He kept the bad out when he was here, I was conflicted.

Did I have a right to ask him what he thought of me? Or if he planned to make me leave? He was my savior in many ways and I've continued to let him down, use him.

I had no right.

He also hadn't kissed me since we were in the hospital. Had he just done what he thought I needed?

Had he only kissed me to upset Kain?

I felt my wolf whine at my thoughts. It was surprising to feel my beast step forward. He didn't like the thought of leaving Pierce and he missed the intimacy. I had a feeling that my wolf also shared my doubts and worries. He knew something was off with the Cat. He felt the strange atmosphere but he was so preoccupied with keeping my memories hidden that he didn't concern himself with it too much.

I felt my hands start to shake as I stepped towards the window. I tried to stay in Pierce's room when he left. The rest of the house didn't feel right. Looking out the window toward the tree line I closed my eyes, I felt the building fear. The trees triggered me. This window called my name. Something about this spot was lost within my mind. I tried to breathe, but my breaths became haggard so I forced myself to take a step back.

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