♡𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕥 𝕒𝕤𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕖♡ - 𝕙𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕘 𝕙𝕪𝕦𝕟𝕛𝕚𝕟

c h a p t e r t w e n t y t w o

STEAMYJK
I'm back from work and no matter if we're in the same house or not, I'm texting this so the rest of the chat can see the story.
So.
Tell me.
How did you start dating?
Spill the tea.

WANGTHEFUCK
Hm.
Tea is my favourite beverage, but I would rather spill it than drink it.

HOTAE
eYE—

STEAMYJK
We ... we raised her well, Addie.
*sniffs*

FENNEC.F.CKER
I love you so much, Imogen.

WANGTHEFUCK
Of course you do.
*deeply bows*

STEAMYJK
Yeah, I'm quoting that at every opportunity I get.

HOTAE
Oh, I don't blame you.
Imma do it, too.

STEAMYJK
How dare you steal my thing.
I'm filing for divorce.

YOU
NO! DON'T DIVORCE!
THINK OF THE BABY!

STEAMYJK
...
We don't have a baby.

YOU
Damn, you right.
The only person you would fuck is Liam.

STEAMYJK
FiRsT oF aLl, fuck off.

HOTAE
fuCK ON

STEAMYJK
Addie.
Why.

YOU
Second of all?

STEAMYJK
SeConD oF AlL, we don't hAVE a baby.
Imogen is our grandchild, dumbass.

YOU
You the real dumbass here.
I wasn't talking about Imogen.

STEAMYJK
We don't hAVE A BABY.
WE JUST HAVE A CHILD.
SO WHO TF IS THE BABY?

HOTAE
Allow me to step in for my wife with .5% of a brain cell, please.
Hayle is the baby.

YOU
There we go.

WANGTHEFUCK
I also think we're missing a key piece of information.
It's mY PHRASE.
But feel free to use it if you want to.

YOU
Well, damn.
The duality is real.
She goes from fucking Satan to a cute baby maknae in three seconds.
This is why I have trust issues.

FENNEC.F.CKER
And this is why we're dating.

DANDYBOI
Yeah, I can attest to that.
But you're mostly Satan.

FENNEC.F.CKER
Why thank you.

YOU
Is anyone else concerned about the relationship here?
Nope?

CHANGAROO
Oh, I'm very concerned.

KIMFRIEDCHICKEN
You're always concerned.

CHANGAROO
That's because my kiDS ARE INSANE

HERESYOURRAMEN
You're welcome.

CHANGAROO
Sometimes I just want to jump out the window.

GLOWING.JIN
Hyung. We're on the first floor.

CHANGAROO
Dramatic exit.

HOTAE
Don't worry, Chris.
I can help you with the kids if you can help me with mine.

CHANGAROO
Sure thing, babe.
STEAMYJK
we'RE GETTING OFF TOPIC

FENNEC.F.CKER
If we're being honest, when are we ever not off topic?

WANGTHEFUCK
You right, you right.

HOTAE
She's taking after her mother.
*wipes a tear away from eye*

GLOWING.JIN
So I'm guessing the point you're trying to get across is you want to hear how it all happened?

STEAMYJK
hELL YES

HOTAE
H - hoe tell us
E - every hoe
L - listen hoe
L - listen hoe
Y - you'd better tell us hoe
E - eEEEeEeeeeEEEEE
S - smALL BITCH TELL ME

WANGTHEFUCK
I second the above.

CHANGAROO
Addie you're the definition of extra and I love it with all my heart.

HOTAE
Aw, I love you, too, babe.

GLOWING.JIN
anyWAYS

STEAMYJK
Right.
Fanfic level romance.

HOTAE
Nah, it's a drama.

STEAMYJK
It's not a drama until they kiss.

YOU
So you mean not a drama until we meet?
You do remember that we've never met any of our boyfriends in real life, right?

STEAMYJK
She didn't even deNY IT

YOU
fuck.

GLOWING.JIN
More than kissing is gonna happen when I meet you, babe.

YOU
jACE STHAP

STEAMYJK
whERE'S THE BIBLE

HOTAE
Ummm, burned since we're all atheists?

WANGTHEFUCK
gANG

STEAMYJK
WELL WE DON'T NEED TO BE BELIEVERS TO NEED HOLY WATER. WE ONLY NEED TO BE HORNY. AND WE ARE EXACTLY THAT.

YOU
Explain.
Why are you jealous of my boyfriend?
He's mine.

GLOWING.JIN
aH hAyLe ThAt'S sO SWEET

CHANGAROO
I'm so glad that he can be normal around you, Hayle.

YOU
And by normal you mean crackhead?

CHANGAROO
Yeah, that's him normally.

GLOWING.JIN
I just told her that I liked her and that I've liked her for a skinny minute.
Is there anything wrong with that?

FENNEC.F.CKER
Oh, no. He's liked you for a lot longer than a skinny minute.
He was liking you about a week after you started talking on the chat.

HOTAE
Tea exposers be like:

HOTAE changed the chat name to SATAN SOULMATE MAKNAE TEA SPILLING EXPOSERS LIVE IN HELL

YOU
If we don't stop changing the chat name so much, we're gonna end up with a goddamn paragraph soon.

STEAMYJK
A paragraph like the one I expEcT FrOm YoU, yOunG lAdY aFtEr ThE bOmB oF iNfOrmAtION I reCievEd.

YOU
Uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Give me a minute.