Fallingforyou // Matty Healy

Losing It

The flat is quiet this morning, just myself occupying it. Matty and the boys had to do a radio interview and then head to the studio to start working on another song.

I decide to finish up some work on my laptop, it propped on the dining room table as I typed and slipped away at my tea.

My phone suddenly rings from somewhere in the house, I follow the sound until I find it lying on the coffee table. I pick it up, noticing it was George.

"Morning, uh I don't know how to put this in a way that won't worry you" is the first sentence to come through the line.

I take my lip between my teeth, nibbling on it before replying "What's wrong?"

He sighs "I can't find Matty anywhere. Y'know I can't really act worried in front of the other two because they don't know about the drugs."

"It's 10:30am, aren't you meant to be in an interview?" I question, confusion in my tone.

"We went to the interview, wrapped it up and then he said he was just going to get coffee but it's been an hour and he's not picking up any of my calls or texts, Bea." George sounds stressed on the other end.

My teeth continue their attack on my lip "But where do Ross and Hann think he is? Why does he have to be so irresponsible all the time."

"They think he came back home to you, told 'em he had a headache" he says, sighing "God I just wish he didn't do it at the worst times. We have an album to finish and now I'm stressed."

I frown at his words, George was one of Matty's favourite people in the world and vice versa. George rarely showed his soft side but he was extra protective of Matty and I knew this was hurting him as much as me.

"Ok listen, I'll try getting through to him and you keep at it too. We'll keep each other updated. Try not to stress Georgie."

"Alright, I'll text you. Love you."

I smile "Love you too G."

The entire day was spent trying to find Matty and updating George every hour whilst he was in the studio with the boys.

I had no luck, it was 18:00pm now and the city was lit up with billboards. My body was tired from searching Matty's usual spots but he was nowhere to be found. I decide to get a tea, heading into the coffee shop at the end of the street.

A nice barista named Josie took my order and was in the process of making it when my phone rang from my coat pocket. The screen lit up with "Marty" and I answer without hesitation.

Groaning is all I can hear, incoherent mumbles at best. "Matty?" I question. "Where are you?"

More grumbling came down the line followed with an address I could barely make out. I told him to stay on the line but he hung up, leaving me stressed.

I call George who comes to pick me up right away, we arrive at the address. A run down, shoddy abandoned building in the middle of nowhere.

We barely make it inside when George spots Matty, lying against up the brick wall and head hung to a side. He looked a mess.

I step forward to go help him and he startles "Bea?" he questions.

"I'm gonna help you up ok?"

My arms reach for him, helping prop him up before George sighs and throws him over his shoulder.

When we got back to the flat, I couldn't sleep. Matty was flat out next to me after throwing up for an hour straight. He barely even looked like himself anymore, George was asleep in the spare bedroom because he didn't want to leave him alone with me.

A million thoughts ran through my head as I watched Matty's chest rise and fall in his slumber. I was scared for him because it was very clear he was an addict now. I wasn't going to give up on him but he was making it very difficult not too.

"You finally have everything you want in life, my darling and it's all going to waste with the drugs." I whisper into the dark room. "I just wish the voices could stop another way. You're wrecking George, the others will get suspicious soon. You have an album too make goddamn it."

Before I lose my mind, I get up from the bed and go through to the kitchen, watching the cars pass on the street as a distraction.