Stronger || PJM

Ch8: Push You Away

Jimin swerves skilfully, attacking and defending as his coach yells at him. He's used to it now (both the yelling and the practice). It's like a pattern. Right, left, right, left, right, left, upwards, right, left, right, left, right, left, duck down. And if he misses one, he does fifty push-ups.

It's one of his favourite things now, punching into the pads Lee has over her hands. Her yelling wasn't as motivating, it just put him in the mood. Maybe it's because he has enough motivation that he doesn't need any more.

"Harder!" She yells.

Jimin punches harder, his limbs growing sore but he goes on anyway, making sure to breathe in and out at the right times as she instructed. Ever since the last time he asked if she was okay or not their conversations have been nothing but professional. Jimin stopped asking her about her day, if she was alright or not, and he stopped talking about his day, too, knowing by now that it does nothing but bother her, that is if she listened in the first place.

"Stop," She says and stands straight, glaring as he pants heavily, hair sticking to his forehead.

"That's worse than yesterday," She adds.

Jimin shakes his head. "I'm sorry, I just hadㅡ"

"I didn't ask for an excuse," She cuts him off, getting into position again.

"Go!"

Jimin starts again, punching and ducking between heavy breaths. He takes one second longer at aiming a punch and Lee groans in frustration, stepping back in annoyance.

"What's wrong with you?!" She takes off the pads and throws them on the floor.

Jimin leans forward, resting his hands on his knees and breathing in. After a few seconds he stands up straight and puts his hands on his waist.

"Iㅡ "

"If it's an excuse, I don't want to hear it," She interrupts, crossing her arms.

Jimin purses his lips at that, looking down at the floor silently. Lee sighs, uncrossing her arms so they fall down to her side as she scans him head to toe. Shaking her head, she jumps out of the ring.

"Go home and when you come back tomorrow you better be ready, am I clear?" She says over her shoulder, grabbing her water bottle.

"Actually," Jimin pauses, "My dance practice is growing longer because of the show coming up, so do you mind if I don't show up everyday?"

Lee doesn't reply for a few seconds, anxiety rising in her chest at the thought of him giving up. Maybe this is the start of him letting go of fighting, but it made sense anyway. He's here because of some bullies. It's only natural for him to leave once he's good enough to fight back. Why is she regretting it now, she put herself into this. He's growing distant, but it's only her to blame. She knows she's the one who pushed him away, told him to not get closer because she is a coward and she knows it, or that's what Namjoon told her once.

"Do whatever you want," She finally says in a low tone, listening carefully as she hears him zipping up his bag, sliding the door open and close back again. Then it's dead silent.

So she calls a friend, and about an hour later she's at a rooftop with a bottle of alcohol and a friend with a cigarette.

"What's wrong?" Namjoon asks, glancing at her side profile.

"He was getting closer," She breathes out, staring into distance, "So I pushed him away."

"You should stop doing that."

"I know, but I don't think I'm ready yet."

"He's a nice guy," Namjoon shrugs, bringing the smoke close to his lips. "Maybe he just wants to be friends."

He drags in a long breath before pulling away and blowing out a big puff of smoke.

"Talk to him," He adds, "You might get you a new friend, especially one of a similar age, y'know. He also looks like he's been through some sh*t. I mean, we all have, but he looks like someone who would understand you."

"No way," She chuckles to herself, swinging her legs.

Lee looks down at the passing cars, lights and honks fading as the alcohol kicks in, and it triggers memories at the back of her head. A radiant smile and twinkling eyes. Then regretful teary eyes and a dull frown. Because of her.

"How's Taehyung?" She finds herself asking.

Namjoon smiles to himself. "He's much better than before, going out and all. He even made a friend or two."

Lee gulps. "Does he mention me? Ever?"

Namjoon puts off the cigarette on the fence beside him, smoke fading as its' top lights off.

"Rarely," He replies.

"Does he still hate me?" She asks in a low whisper.

Namjoon rests his forearms on his thighs, hands hanging off, legs slightly swinging. A soft wind passes by, his hair moving with the motion unlike Lee's; it's tightly braided.

"I don't know."

"Don't lie."

"... Last time we talked about it he seemed almost... indifferent."

Lee raises an eyebrow and turns to Namjoon. "Indifferent?"

Her friend shrugs, not looking back at her. "He wasn't as mad as he used to be when you were brought up, but he wasn't as happy either. I think he's starting to accept it."

"He's starting to forgive me?" She asks.

He shakes his head. "You didn't do anything wrong so he forgives you. He's just starting to accept the fact that you did nothing wrong, and that it was all in his hands."

Lee scoffs, looking away. "Right."

Namjoon side-glances at her, watching her clench her jaw. He puts a comforting hand on hers, rubbing soothing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb.

"You know, when he used toㅡ"

"Can we drop his topic now?" She asks softly. "Please?"

Namjoon nods, giving her a sad smile. "Alright. Back to the short Jimin kid."

"Please." She rolls her eyes playfully.

"Yeah," He nods with a grin. "Don't push him away, Lee."

"Too late."

"It's not."

Lee sighs. "Fine."