Prologue.

22.6K 354 81
                                    

Fear

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

Fear. Anxiety. Panic. Only a few of the emotions that are a big part of me. Exactly the reason why college has always been a scary thought for me. I have feared the idea of going to Central Seattle University for a long time now. When I received my acceptance letter in the mail, I couldn't stop creating horrible scenarios of how my journey could go, how many panic attacks I could have in all possible situations.

Jace Evans wasn't in any of those scenarios. Not once did I imagine I was going to meet someone like him, not once was I able to foresee all of the consequences that came with knowing him. Every bone in my body was screaming at me to stay away from him, but I knew from the start that I wouldn't be able to.

Jace and I are the complete opposites - the quiet, innocent mess with a mental health condition and the desired, tattooed and mysterious boy with a secret. We were never supposed to work, yet in our own odd way, we did. The odds were against us, sometimes I think they still are. But we quickly discovered that there's one thing that binds us together and that, in the end, we're the same. We're both a little different.

My name is Mila Wilson, I'm twenty years old and I've been suffering from a panic and anxiety disorder since I was about sixteen. Four years of confusion and frustration. It all started when I worked in a supermarket as a cashier, my first job in high school. I looked to the right towards the next customer and suddenly it all overcame me. My vision went blurry, and I felt like I was going to faint any second. I was scared, confused and didn't know what was going on with me. I felt weak, and thought my body was going to give up on me. I quickly went home to get the rest I thought I needed. 

The next day, I was scared to go back to work, worrying that those feelings would return. Many times I'd feel the symptoms as soon as I simply thought about them. That's not unusual. It took me as well as many doctors a while to figure out that nothing was really wrong with my body, but that me and my brain were just playing little tricks on me. 

Since then, the panic attacks have basically taken over my life. Normal everyday events turn out to be a struggle for me. I can't take the bus to go anywhere and when I want to take my car instead, I can't drive on the highway. I'd rather drive a detour which costs me thirty more minutes. I'm scared of situations I won't be able to escape so easily, so even hanging out with friends and sitting still can be hard.

Today, the panic attacks have many different ways of creeping up on me. Either I can't breathe, I feel dizzy, my heart starts to race, my throat tightens, or I feel like I'm about to throw up. Sometimes my stomach drops, or all of the symptoms combine. Mostly, I just have the feeling like they're about to come, which gives me a lot of anxiety by itself. Then there's the hypersensitivity I always have when panicking. A car that goes a certain speed will feel so much faster, the movements while driving the train feel so drastic that they make me dizzy. The motions are things that everyone else experiences to some extent, I only feel them more intense.

Panic and anxiety disorders are often seen as surreal, which is why I've lost many people in my life who misunderstand. Others can't deal with you as a person, because they don't understand what's going on with you. You'll hear get a grip or just stop worrying about it. That advice obviously doesn't help, but I don't blame people that have decided to distance themselves from me. Even I don't know what's going on.

I tend to wallow in self-pity, because my whole situation is making me incredibly sad. If I don't cry all of my problems out from time to time, I'll feel like exploding. The only thing that helps me is knowing I'm not alone. I try to hold on to not giving up daily, but currently I'm failing miserably. I feel like I'm falling down my spiral more from day to day - but this is life. We have to keep fighting through our struggles, which is exactly why I decided to attend college as planned, despite all of the horrible scenarios I created from the start. I was determined to get my education and to work on myself and all of the problems I have. 

True love was never something I thought I could experience. I always thought I was too complicated, too much of a burden for a possible partner. Until I met Jace Evans. He was never part of my college plans, but he led me into his world and turned mine upside down.

This is a story for everyone who's different. And for everyone who is not afraid to be.

______________________

Welcome to Different. I hope you enjoyed this little prologue.

Please leave a vote and get ready for an exciting, emotional ride!

DifferentWhere stories live. Discover now