Different

1.

New beginnings are never easy for me. I've felt the same amount of anxiety and excitement about today for such a long time, but the moment is finally here. I'm starting college.

I went through many sleepless nights, trying to figure out if I was ever going to make it, but here I am. I'm standing on campus, looking over the large premises and the huge main building of CSU - Central Seattle University. I'm taking an important, big step I know I need to make in order to get better again. I know that I've done many things wrong in terms of my panic disorder, like avoiding all of the situations that scare me, but I'm as proud as ever to be here.

"Honey, are you ready?" mom asks me while unloading my last bag, pulling me out of my trance.

I take a big breath. "You know the answer, but I'm glad that I'm finally here. And that you're here with me" I say half-smiling at her.

"Come on then, I'll bring you to your dorm" she answers, touching my arm softly with an encouraging smile. Just like me, she grabs some of my bags and we're on our way to find the room I'm going to spend the next three years of college in.

Usually I would've never moved out from home, but in my condition, as I like to call it, I knew I wouldn't be able to make the thirty minute trip by my own every day. So, staying on campus is my only option. 

After a lot of searching and asking around, we finally find my dorm room and I grab the key that was handed out to me to unlock the door. My eyes fall onto a small, empty room, with two single beds on each side and a window in the middle. A typical dorm room, what a surprise.

"This is cozy" mom says as we enter, trying to encourage me once again. 

My mom is the most loving, sensitive person I've ever known. She always gives me strength in situations that I need a little extra, and is the strongest woman in my life. I give her an unbelieving smile, as we start to unload all of my bags. Naturally, mom starts to unpack because she wants to help, but I decide to stop her.

"Mom, let me do that. It'll give me something to do. You've already done enough" I say and grab my things out of her hands, signaling her to go.

"Fine. Will you be alright here on your own?" she asks me worried. My heart breaks, because I know that she does this a lot, worry about me.

"Yes, of course" I lie. I know I'm going to be miserable as soon as she steps out of that door, because I hate being alone. I fear that something terrible could happen to me with no one there to help. My only hope is my roommate, hopefully they will arrive soon.

"Okay, but if you need anything..." mom starts.

"I know, you're only a call away. Go mom. I love you" I interrupt her. I feel like I'll have to push her out of the door if she won't go soon.

"I love you too. Call me, okay?" she demands with one big, last hug. Then, she finally leaves.

As soon as the door closes behind her, I feel my heart sink, with a little relief at the same time. This is the moment I've been dreading, and now, at least it's finally over.

I take another deep breath and distract myself with unpacking the rest of my things. I start with hanging up pictures on the wall next to my bed, to make myself feel more at home. Next, I open my other bags and place the content into the wardrobe neatly.

Once my last box is unpacked and stored away, I look at the time to see that it's merely five in the afternoon. I have to wonder how I managed to get everything done so fast, and feel a burn in the pit of my stomach right away. I already think of ways to distract me so I can get through the rest of the day without a lot of anxiety. I thought by the time I'd be done, it would be time to go to bed.

I don't want my fear to get worse, so I decide it's best to take a little walk to calm my nerves. The plan for tomorrow is to explore campus, to see where the buildings and rooms from my seminars are. For now, I want to clear my head and take a look at the place I'm going to spend the next three years of my life in. Maybe I'll even grab something to eat on the way back. I put on the jacket that's laying around on my bed, and my white sneakers too. I take my purse and leave the empty dorm room behind.

Once I close the door, I feel lost right away. I have nowhere to go and no sense of direction what so ever. I decide to take a left turn, leave the building and just walk wherever my feet lead me. I quickly reach campus and see that it's packed with freshmen wandering around aimlessly,  trying to find their dorm. Just like me earlier.

Then there are people that have been here for years, I can tell the two groups apart right away. They're meeting their friends after summer break, probably catching up on all the gossip from back home and planning parties for the new year. 

College is so cliché in my eyes, way worse than high school. You look at a group of people and can immediately tell what their major is. I see a few law students burying their noses in their books, a few jocks throwing around a football and a group of expensive looking girls, probably business students. Obviously these are just assumptions, but I'm pretty sure I got some of them right.

I continue my stroll, still no idea where I want to go or what I want to look at. I feel awkward and lonely walking over campus all by myself. My social anxiety tells me that people are probably staring at me, already labelling me as the weird one. I quickly brush the thought out of my head, and remember that there's supposed to be a nice little park nearby. I saw it in some of the brochures CSU sent me along with my acceptance letter. Maybe it isn't as crowded over there as it is here. I pull my phone out of my pocket to find my way.

After a five minute walk, I see a giant, beautiful pond with a dirt road leading around it. The park is pretty much empty, just perfect. I know I hate being alone, but too many people at once can be overwhelming too. Breathing in the fresh air, I take in the amazing scenery. Who knew that the city had such beautiful, green spots. I think this is going to become my happy place here at CSU.

Slowly I start walking through the park, trying to forget my worries and the dark feeling inside of my stomach. I'm here, at college. This is a good thing, and I don't want to fall apart on my first day already.

I'm halfway around the pond, when I finally manage to push the bad thoughts away. Loud talking in the distance distracts me and brings me back into reality. I notice a bench and a group of four guys sitting on and standing around it. I squint my eyes slightly to get a better look.

I see that they're covered in tattoos, and that all of them are wearing dark clothes. I freeze right away, not liking how somewhat dangerous they look. The bench is really close to the path I'm walking on, and I contemplate on simply turning around to avoid them.

When one of them locks eyes with me, I know it's too late to do just that. His eyes don't leave mine for a while. I look at him, and the first thing I notice are his beautiful, piercing blue eyes.

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Who are those guys?

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