A Big Piece

Question for mommy

Lorraine's POV

Judy came home from school a few days after the Perrons case all excited, "Mommy, Mommy!  Sarah had a baby sister yesterday" I smiled at her even though I felt like crying. Judy was like this every time one of her classmates had a sibling. "That's nice, honey! What's she called?" "Lisa, but I don't like that name," She scrunched up her nose. It made me laugh, our little Judy had quite an opinion, "What names do you like then?" I asked without mentioning a possible sibling. "I like Elizabeth for a girl baby, like the queen of England. It sounds nice! But if a baby is a boy I like the name Michael," she said with a serious tone. "Those are very nice names!" I said impressed, since she named her teddy, she got last Christmas, Brownie.

"Mommy?" She crawled onto my lap. "Uh oh, here it comes" I thought, "When are we going to have a baby?" Tears started to well up in my eyes, I bit them away, "Well... Uh, mommy and daddy, uh..." "We will have a baby, when God wants us to," Ed came in. He picked Judy up and turned her away from me, as tears had already to roll down. I wiped them away, but Judy had already seen. She turned back towards me and stretched her arms. I stood up and went towards Ed and Judy. "Don't be sad, mommy," and she caressed my cheek. I put my arms around her and Ed, not really able to say anything. He pressed a kiss on my temple, "We'll be alright," he said.

That night I couldn't put Judy to bed, afraid she would ask about a baby sister or brother again. The rest of the day she hadn't mentioned it, but her question ringed through my head. That hopeful tone in her voice killed me. I knew she really wanted a sibling and there would have been one now or in a few days. But there wasn't. I was putting on some body lotion on my arms when Ed entered the room. "Out as a light," he said. "Are you okay?" He sat next to my on the bed. I nodded and gave a small smile. "You shouldn't have had to carry this alone? I could've, no should've been there for you..." I heard him think. I sighed "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should've told you about the baby in the first place when I found out." Tears started rolling again. "I just wanted to tell you in a special way, but now..."

He put his arm around me and wiped away my tears with his free hand, "Never blame yourself hon! I don't want you to blame yourself, because it wasn't your fault." "The baby would have been born around now, you know? We would've had a crib here, loads of baby clothes and diapers..." he chuckled, "That would've been a nice chaos." He pulled me even closer, " If you're ready, maybe we could try again? But only if you're ready!"

"That would be nice, just not yet..." I said. He nodded. We could try again but getting pregnant with Judy had been really hard. I was glad that Ed knew about the miscarriage, though. It made it easier to bear  now that I could share it.

The next morning I woke up early, Ed still was fast asleep. I went to check on Judy but she too was still dreaming. I went downstairs, straight to the kitchen and put the kettle on. The silence was nice for a change, I went to the front door to get the paper. I flipped through the paper over a cup of tea. I wasn't hungry, but I ate some toast anyway. Judy would probably want some cereal before going to school later, but I thought I'd surprise her with some chocolate chip pancakes.

By the time she and Ed got downstairs the whole  house smelled sweet. "Pancakes!" Judy yelled running into the kitchen a big smile on her face. "Morning baby! How did you sleep?" "Very good, mommy! No bad dreams," she said. "How about a few pancakes?" I asked "Yes!" And she kept nodding. I put some pancakes on her plate, and she started eating. "Hey, what do we say to mommy?" Ed said sternly. " Thank you!" She said with her mouth full. I smiled and rolled my eyes. Normally I would tell her of for talking with her mouth full but I couldn't.

"Okay, giggles! Get dressed, the bus will be here soon!" I said after she ate 3 pancakes. She was really happy today, and it made Ed and me happy too! I packed her lunch, put in an extra pancake and put it in her school bag. "Mommy, can you put a ribbon in my hair?" She came down dressed in a red dress with a white cardigan, holding a red ribbon in her hand. "Yeah sure! You look very pretty!" I smiled as I put the ribbon in her hair. A twinkle appeared in her eyes, "So do you, mommy!"

"Oh there's the bus," I said. Judy looked confused the bus wasn't there yet nor had she heard the horn. She looked at me, raising one eyebrows and then the bus sounded the horn! She giggled, "You do magic, mommy!" I gave her a kiss and Ed went with her to the bus.