𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄─𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐤𝐞¹ (𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠)

79. loud and clear

After my talk with Clarke, I had to make my next amends. I found Octavia sitting outside, sharpening some kind of weapon. I took a seat beside her, then proceeding to tell her how sorry I was, that I was being a horrible friend and that she did nothing wrong.

She told me that she knew where I was coming from, why I felt the way I did.

We hugged each other so tight I'm sure her injuries were screaming in pain, as were mine.

Once I was done speaking with Octavia, I felt lighter. There was nothing more than I hated than arguing with the people I cared about.

It seemed like the universe was acknowledging my attempts to make amends, to get rid of grudges, as something happened that made my heart want to burst when I rejoined Raven.

I entered the tech room, already beginning to tell Raven about how I had made up with both Clarke and Octavia. I knew she would be happy to hear that my terrible mood will now be somewhat better.

However, as I entered, she looked over to me, her eyes wide with a mixture of excitement and anxiety. I stared back at her for a moment, cutting myself off as I noticed the radio in her hand. She was in mid sentence when I walked in, her hand held down on the button.

I froze, my eyes shifting between the radio and her, "Raven-" I started, trying to keep my voice from wavering as emotions overwhelmed me.

She released the button, and not even a second later a voice came through the other end, "Raven, is that her?"

It was Bellamy. I felt like I was going to collapse in relief. All of my worrying the past few days faded away at the sound of his voice. I knew that just because he had reached the radio did not mean he was safe indefinitely, but it meant he was safe for now.

Raven gave me a grin as she held out the radio, "I think he wants to talk to you."

I was hesitant to take it. I wanted to talk to him more than anything, but at the same time I was still hurt at his decision to leave.

Raven gave me a confused look as she tilted her head, "Aves?"

I looked up from where I had been staring at my feet, "When did he call?" I whispered, my heart thumping against my ribcage.

Raven dropped her hand slightly as Bellamy's voice came through again, "Avery?" he asked, his voice mixed with a certain urgency.

We both ignored him as Raven spoke, "About five minutes ago."

I nodded as I took a seat beside her, my eyes locking on the small radio on the desk, "Does Clarke know?"

"They already spoke, figured out a plan."

I played with the ends of my hair as I kept my gaze on the device, "And he's okay?" I confirmed.

Raven shoved the radio into my hand, "Talk to him." she whispered, "You'll regret it if you don't."

With that, she turned and left the room, leaving me alone with the radio in my hand. I contemplated getting up and following after her, leaving Bellamy. But there was no way I could truly convince myself to do so. I knew if I didn't talk to him now, there was a chance I never would.

So, I slowly raised the speaker to my mouth, letting it waver there for a moment before I spoke. "I told you I wasn't going to speak to you again." my voice came out as a whisper, even if I did not mean it to.

Bellamy's voice responded within seconds, it sounded like a sigh of relief, "I'm sorry."

I nodded, forgetting that he could not see me, "I know." After a brief moment I spoke again, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." he promised, "Are you?"

I readjusted the speaker in my hand, "Yeah, I'm okay. I wish you were here though."

"I wish I was too-but this is going to work, and when it does I will come back to you. I promise, Avery."

I wanted to tell him that he could not promise anything- promises meant nothing at this point. How many times had Finn promised me he wouldn't get hurt, that he would always be there. Look what happened to him.

I kept those emotions in, instead opting for another response, "Looking forward to it." I whispered, dropping the speaker from my lips, allowing myself to regain my composure, "I should get going, I'll let you talk to Raven."

He sounded defeated from the other end, "Okay," he sighed, "See you soon."

A small smile fell on my lips, "Be safe." I pleaded.

I was out of the room before he could respond. It wasn't that I didn't want to keep talking to him, I would all day if I could. It was the fact that I still couldn't get over the fact that he put himself in danger like that. I needed him and he wasn't here.

I knew I was being selfish, there were a lot of people who needed someone, and no matter who it was that went in they would have been leaving someone behind. I just wish it didn't have to be me.

Raven was leaning against the hallway wall when I walked out. She pushed herself up in surprise, "Done already?"

I nodded as I shoved my hands into my pocket, "Yeah." I muttered, giving her a small smile as I walked by, "Gonna go lay down for a bit, I'll catch up with you later."

Raven opened her mouth to say something, but decided against it. Instead, she turned and disappeared.

I resisted the urge to turn around and follow after her, to sit in that damn tech room all day and just listen to Bellamy's voice. But I didn't.