Outside the Lines (lashton)

(3) 66.4

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Instead of telling Ashton the truth, I lied to him. It's not like I wanted to, I could never lie to Ashton. Well, only if it prevents him from worrying about me.

I remember one day a little less than half a year ago, sitting in our hotel room. Michael, Cal and I were playing FIFA. Since Ashton isn't a fan of the game, he usually sits with us anyways, watching us play the game and occasionally cheering on whoever he chooses.

But that day, he sat in silence. He started out playful and cheerful, but a few minutes into watching us play, he stopped speaking. I'm pretty sure Michael noticed the loss of Ashton's voice as well, because the noise effects he had been making increased in volume.

The game dragged on too long for my liking. I didn't exactly want to play to begin with and now regretted picking up a controller. What I really wanted to do was lay in bed and just sleep. I didn't want to deal with my buzzing thoughts.

~

"Hellooooo, daydreaming much?" Michael waves his hand in front of my face. "You stopped playing."

"Oh sorry," what do I say, what do I say, think Luke think "this massive headache just hit me and it's sort of painful..." Wait, this is a perfect excuse to stop playing! "Is it okay if I quit and go rest?"

"Of course it's okay, we're not going to say no to that," Michael turns to face me as he speaks.

"Hope you feel better soon Luke, yell or text us if you need anything," Calum says while patting my knee sympathetically.

Without another word, I leave the room. I kick off my jeans and wiggle out of my jacket before crawling into bed. I just feel so sad, but why am I sad? There's no reason to be sad.

Those negative thoughts led to more negative thoughts, and soon I was drowning in a pool of hatred. Hatred for myself.

"Luke."

Ignore him, he'll think you're sleeping.

"Luke?"

A few seconds pass until I hear footsteps come towards my place in the room.

"Luke, please look at me..."

My brows furrow in confusion, and my eyes open instantly. It sounds as if it pained him to say those simple words. You can practically hear how desperate he is for me to look at him. My first thought is that something isn't right.

"Are you alright, Ash? There's something going on, I can hear it in your tone."

For a split second, a smile cracks on his face. But just as fast as it had appeared, it disappears, leaving a slight frown behind.

His mouth remains shut, holding his words back.

The silence grows to be too much for me, so I decide to try again. "Ash, you know that you can always talk to me."

As soon as the last word rolled off of my tongue, Ashton quickly blurts out a jumble of words laced with concern.

"Wait, what?" I ask in confusion, hoping for him to repeat himself.

He positions his head so that he's now staring at his fingers in his lap.

"I'm ... worried about you Luke," he whispers softly. It seems that if Ashton spoke any louder, he'd shatter the air between us.

None of this is making any sense, why would he be worried about me? I haven't given him a reason to worry.

Then I remember what I had told Michael a few minutes ago.