Wherever You Are || a.i

30

It's been 43 days since Ashton and I's last Skype call. That's six weeks and one day. That's a month and a half.

Sure we texted a little every once and then, and we skyped for quite a while after I left Australia, but I haven't seen Ashton's face in 43 days.

I missed him like crazy.

To be honest, I didn't know what I felt anymore. It wasn't the same as before, the feelings were different.

I used to get butterflies in my stomach everytime I heard his name or just thought of him. I thought about him waiting for me in Australia. Now I only got sad. I couldn't even cry anymore. There were no tears left, because I wasted them every night I cried myself to sleep.

I knew what I had to do. It would be a lot less painfull for both of us, but it was so hard.

It was really, really late in America. It was around 4 a.m. But I knew that it was just the right time to call Ashton because in Australia, it would be sometime in the evening. He would be home, maybe studying for school. I was sure he would answer.

I turned on my laptop and called him.

"Maddie?" he asked confused as he answered the call.

"Ashton, hi." I smiled, even though my heart was breaking at the sight of him. His eyes were puffy and he had dark shadows beneath them. He looked tired.

"What are you doing? You should be sleeping, it's like, four in the morning in Boston, it's school tomorrow." he said.

"I wanted to see you."

"Now you want to see me? What about the last two months?" he asked harshly.

"You're acting like it's all my fault, you could've called too." I argued.

"I'm sorry." I sighed after a few minutes of silence.

"No, I'm sorry Mads. I miss you so much." Ashton said, his voice breaking. He wasn't hiding it, he was clearly crying.

"Ashton."

"Huh?" he sniffled.

"We're fading."

"I know." he nodded after a few moments.

"I really don't think I can do this anymore." I said.

"Please don't do this to me." he whispered, hiding his face in his hands, "Please, don't leave me."

"It'll hurt less, I promise." I said, a tear streaming down my cheek.

"No it won't. It'll only hurt more." he cried.

"Ashton, I don't feel the same anymore. Do you?" I asked carefully.

"You don't love me anymore." he said quietly, nodding to himself.

"No, it's not that I don't love you. It's that I don't know what I feel anymore." I said and he nodded again.

"Do you still love me?" I asked carefully.

"Yeah, I still love you. I think I even love you more than before. Because I realized what's life without you and I'm sure as hell I don't like it one bit. I thought we were going to try, Maddie."

"We tried, Ash."

"I promised you we would get through it."

"Maybe we weren't meant to be."

"I'm so sorry I'm not worth waiting, I'm sorry that I'm not good enough."

"Ashton, stop! Stop." I said, crying. "You're more than good enough."

"Then why won't you wait until it's our time again?" he sniffled.

"Ashton. You're 18, I'm not even 18 yet. We have our whole lives in front of us. Maybe we're too young to even know what love is yet, maybe we didn't even really love eachother."

"I did love you. I know it because if I had one wish to come true it would be you. Do you remember the night we were watching the stars on your roof? And when we saw that shooting star, when you asked me what I wished and I didn't want to tell you because it wouldn't come true."

"Yeah." I smiled lightly at the memories.

"Do you still want to know what it was?"

"Yeah."

"I wished, that I'll be holding your hand when we're 80. I wish I'd kiss it like the cute old couples and I'd say: "Look, baby. We made it."

This made me cry even more. My heart broke into millions of pieces.

"I can't, Ashton. I can't do this anymore. We didn't even bother calling eachother for 6 weeks." I cried.

"Okay. Okay, baby, if you really want this, then fine. I'll do whatever you want. All I want is for you to be happy."

"You have to know this is not easy for me, Ashton. I don't want to break up, I just can't deal with this pain anymore."

"I understand. It's okay."

"I've had so much fun with you, Ash." I said, smiling, even though tears were streaming down my face uncontrollably. Ashton smiled and nodded in agreement.

"So that's it? After all we've been trough together?"

"I'm sorry, Ashton."

"No, it's okay. I understand. But I'll never forget you because I had the best time in my life with you. And there's not a day I regret. And whenever you're sad, when you have a bad day. Remember that there's this stupid boy in Australia that fell so hard for you and you once loved back, and remember that this boy, he's always with you. Everywhere. I love you, my girl. I always will." he said and hung up the Skype call.

He didn't even let me say goodbye. He didn't let me say I loved him back.

I looked at my wrist to find my tattoo. I brought it to my lips and kissed it.

"I love you, Ashton." I cried, "I love you so much." I whispered.

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ok this is short but the point was to make you cry I really hope I did it was my intention this part has to be sad

please comment if i made you cry or not i want to know haha

feedback?:)