{ #5 } Eclipse Of The Moon (MxM || 18+)

Chapter 26 - The Gentleman...

Eclipse Of The Moon ~ Book 1 of Aaron
Chapter 26
The Gentleman...

Monday 23 June 2003

My body is so sore, aching everywhere. I feel like I am a huge heap of bones, muscles and flesh that has been crushed or run over by a train. However, if it was the case, I'd be dead and unable to feel the pain. It might have been better though.

I can endure the pain – the physical pain, I mean. Somehow, it's good penance to atone for all my sins, and God knows how sinful I have been...

Wait, wait, wait! Scratch that! Those words aren't part of my vocabulary anymore!

I can endure the pain – the physical pain, I mean. Somehow, it soothes the emotional suffering in my chest and in my head, the one that comes from all the wrong I have done in the past eight months. All my throbbing limbs are nothing compared to what I feel deeper within, their soreness feels like mere caresses next to the torture my mind and my heart are going through. I almost wish I could die.

Almost.

I have done enough wrong and it might be time to quit my bullshit, face the consequences of my acts and man up to mend up mistakes I made. But am I capable of that? Do I have it in me to correct my actions on my own? Am I not too far gone in my vices to get back on my feet and climb up this slippery hill I hurtled down so quickly? It seemed so easy to walk down the slope, I even felt like the wind was pushing me faster to the bottom, nearly making me tumble and crash.

From down there, looking up at the top of the hill, it almost looks impossible. The road looks full of pitfalls, traps, potholes and what not. I'm not sure I can do this. I used to feel so strong, full of confidence, I had faith in my future, but now...

Now I feel weak, the result of the past eight months only makes me doubtful, and as far as my future is concerned, I just can't see it.

I need a helping hand, but the only help I can think of is almost three thousand miles away from here, and there's no way I could call for it. That would mean admitting I failed. That would mean confessing I lied. That would mean disappointing my best friends. I can't resolve to this, so what other options do I have?

Honestly, I don't know. And right now, I'm just too tired to think. I'm in too much pain to envisage a way-out, both physically and mentally. I need one to alleviate the other, but it doesn't make my mind any clearer. Why can't life be simple? Why do images of Joshua, Mark and Camden play before my eyes, augmenting my guilt and aggravating my troubled mind? I have been missing them so much, but I have never yearned for their presence and support as much as I do right now.

As if I wasn't suffering enough from the beating-up and my grieving conscience, tears begin to burn my eyes behind my closed eyelids, and unfortunately, letting them escape doesn't make it any better because there are always more forming.

"Open your eyes."

The deep and dry voice that echoes in my ears is so sudden and holds such authority that it makes me startle, and as I open my eyes – not because of the order I heard, but more as a self-defense instinct – and jerk up in a sitting position, all the pain I felt before intensifies. The grimace it induces kindly reminds me that my face wasn't spared in the fight, but this is not the biggest shock of the moment.

What causes me to gasp and cower is the presence of a man at the foot of the bed I'm lying on. Dressed in jeans and a hoodie, he looks different from the first time I met him, but that man is none other than the gorgeous gentleman who wanted to rent my ass for one thousand bucks almost two weeks ago and from whose car I escaped, stealing 500 dollars without having done anything.