Outside the Lines (lashton)

(4) +80 -304

To say that I have been having a good few days would be an understatement. Things are outstanding! Since eating breakfast in front of Calum three days ago, I've managed to eat nearly nothing. The only food passing my lips was my pre-show apple.

Before every concert, I eat a Granny Smith apple. That's 80 calories but it's worth it. It keeps me focused and orientated with less dizzy spells.

My mood has stayed at a steady high as well since that morning, considering I haven't run into any more situations I've needed to lie my way out of. I haven't caused anyone stress or worry, and no one has pointed out my unusual habits. I've even lost 1.6 kilos, which is unusual considering I haven't been able to lose any weight for the past two months.

My weight plateaued in the beginning of September. I've only lost 1.4 kilos since then and it has been a huge stressor for myself. I tried to burn as many calories as I could during that time, but my weight barely budged.

Maybe not eating for a few days is the answer to my problem.

But life has a habit of kicking you down when the going gets good. And that's exactly what happened, metaphorically and literally.

We were performing She Looks So Perfect, the last song in our set before One Direction would take the stage. The way we have it planned, Calum and Michael stand up on the supplied amps during my soft-spoken solo halfway though the song. As soon as I finished singing the verse, the bass drops and all three of us jump into the air.

The concert had been going on without a problem. I didn't feel dangerously dizzy and to my surprise, I had much more energy than usual for myself.

What I should've known though was that my boost of energy wasn't actually energy at all. Tonight was our last performance of the tour, and that boost of energy I thought I had acquired was really just the hype and adrenaline coming from the last night of the Where We Are tour.

"She looks so perfect standing there, in my American Apparel underwear. And I know now, that I'm so down..."

The crowd started to clap while I sang the lyrics to the louder part of my verse. "Your lipstick stain is a work of art, I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart. And I know now, that I'm so down,"

As Ashton started to tap on the cymbal, I prepared for the jump. This is one of my favorite parts of the show; the crowd goes insane when we do this. I like seeing people happy and having a fun time. It feels even better knowing I was able to create a small part of their joy.

When the sound of the beating drum was heard once again - the signal to jump - I pushed my feet against the ground with as much force I as I could, sending me high in the air.

This is the moment when things started to take a turn for the worst.

As soon as my feet made contact with the black stage, everything around me slowed down. I knew this feeling. I knew what it meant. But not once had it ever come over me while performing on stage.

I stood motionless, or I tried to. Calum's voice suddenly became louder next to me. I was confused until I realized he switched from a soft backup vocal in replacement for the lead vocal I should have been emitting. Michael walked over to me, strumming on his guitar. I saw his lips making words but couldn't hear them being spoken. At this point I couldn't distinguish whether the quiet muffled noise that I heard was the cheering crowd or the blasting amps.

The foggy image of Michael that stood in front of me started to get attacked by tiny black specs. They swirled around in my vision while growing larger. For a second they faded, and I thought this was all going to pass.

But life's never been too friendly with me.

The small black circles that had left my sight started to reappear in a much larger size. Before the circles had a chance to swallow my entire sight in darkness, every muscle in my body relaxed.

My brain, along with every muscle that was apart of me, completely shut down. I didn't have time to realize that my body had collapsed onto the cool stage floor.