The Death of Antinous || bxb ✔︎

QUI TOTUM VULT TOTUM PERDIT

They rode to Eleusis on horseback. It was Hadrian's idea. He wanted to greet his people as they travelled through the smaller villages but more importantly, he wanted his people to greet him. Antinous rode beside him on an unruly gelding. He clicked his tongue and snapped the reins to no avail.

He would not be initiated into the sacred rites of the Eleusinian Mysteries. Hadrian decided that Commodus alone would accompany him. Together the Emperor and his heir would drink kykeon, which would open their minds to visions, and look inside the kiste, a sacred chest, and the calathus, a lidded basket, whose content only initiates were allowed to see. It was Commodus who kindly informed him that he wouldn't be joining them. He said Antinous wasn't important enough to receive the highest mystic truths.

"Why would someone like you even want to know the secrets of the universe?" he added primly on his festooned horse. The beast was in misery under the tasselled bridle Commodus made him wear. "You'd scarcely know what do with them!"

Hadrian, who would normally stick up for him and insist on bringing him along, stayed silent during this exchange.

Antinous wasn't cross, for he had his own secrets and sacred truths that they were not privy to. Leonides galloped past them in complete control of his mare and his heart leapt.

There was no palace in Eleusis. The imperial retinue set up tents, though these were as large and decorated as finely as a domus, with multiple rooms divided by panels of calfskin. Antinous, dismounted and followed the Emperor into his tent when Commodus leaned over and whispered, "Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable in the guards' barracks?"

The blood drained from his face.

Commodus burst out laughing. "I mean, since you love fighting intruders so much!" He slapped him on the back. "What did you think I meant?"

The valley where they set up camp had a view of the sea. Antinous thought he might go down to the water while Hadrian underwent his initiation. The Emperor had to stay awake all night for a vigil, the pannychis, before being allowed to enter the Telesterion where the sacred objects were stored.

As the Emperor prepared to meet the other initiates, he seemed agitated. He stared at his reflection in the mirror for a long time which was unlike him, for though he was proud he was not a vain man.

"What truths do you think I'll discover in the Telesterion?"

Antinous lay on the rug playing a game of dice with Orodes. "I think truth is subjective."

"How so?"

He shrugged and tossed the painted knucklebones. "Not everyone's questions about the universe are the same."

"So, what will be revealed to me will be the answers to my most pressing questions?"

"Precisely."

He looked back at the mirror. "That's what I'm afraid of."

When the Emperor left to attend the pannychis, Antinous insisted that Orodes spend the night in his tent to keep him company. Leonides was guarding the Emperor. They hadn't spoken since their tryst in Athens and he was dying to speak of it with someone.

Orodes was shocked by his boldness but wanted to know every detail all the same.

"We did it three times."

"Three times in one night! By gods, Romans are insatiable."

"He let me have him once."

"You're lying."

"What reason would I have to lie?" he said with a sophisticated air.

Orodes was impressed. "And how was he?"