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Everything seems fine now. I mean I'm feeling so better than ever now, so this is where I'm at, I'm in my own room not in the living room of kell's cozy house. But I don't know why I felt warm until now in my room, before it's so cold like the north but now it change somehow, like everything is going to an upgrade.

Whatever, I'm so hungry so I go to the kitchen to find something to eat and boost my appetite. Surprisingly there is a cooked egg in the fridge well it's better than nothing anyway. I will eat till my stomach is full like a lion eating the zebra. Yum. This taste so good. What a coincidence I'm watching a lion's hunting documentary while eating.

I was startled when I heard a hurrying footsteps. I look up and saw her scared face she's also looking frantically for something, it's the first time I saw her like this usually she's always composed and calm. Then she spotted me a relief show into her face.

She slowly took a careful steps towards me. Like she's making sure that I'm really here. Then what surprise me the most is she hugged me.

She hugged me like she's scared of losing me. Like I'm her most price possesion in the world. Like I'm the world of her. Like a real mother worrying to her daughter's safety.

I never felt this way before. Like I'm safe from all the harm's way. It felt cozy and warm, her embrace. My mother's comfort. I like it. I love this moment. I don't want this to end.

When she pulled away I felt a hint of longing in my heart. I know that she is not showy but never mind. Why did she hug me all of a sudden? that's the question in my mind right now while I'm looking at her eyes but she won't meet my eyes instead she look at the floor. She clears her throat and finally look at me. Disappointed. What? why is she disappointed that I did not pull away in that stupid hug.

"you just recover from sickness but here you are watching some stupid animal show"

"yes so what? I'm perfectly fine now and besides it's weekend so I guess I can entertain myself a little"

"right okay so  I have work today so you better stay inside this house and be good while I'm away"

"what? you still have your work until weekends that's so lame and I know you don't have to tell me every freaking time to not go outside while your away fine so can I watch peacefully now?"

"hmm you better well I'm going to prepare now. oh! before I forgot you will lock the door and windows while I'm still not here and don't you EVER open the door for some stranger and people you don't know as in EVER.Understand?"

"yeah yeah" I answered lamely. D*mn her speech is long. I'm not stupid to open the door for someone I don't even freaking know.

She stares at me for a second the left to prepare herself to work. I think she's not in the mood to work though like today is not a good day to her. Her body is shaking a little too. Did she have a cold? did I pass her my cold.
I just shake my head for my thinking then turn my attention to the show.

Wow! My mom is like a lion male and I'm her cub. She takes care of me but not sweet to me. I wish mom is a lioness who always take good care of her cubs like a real mother is. She plays with them, bath them, feed them and love them. I don't even feel her motherly love for me.
I learned to clean myself when I was 3
feed myself and play with myself. Just because my mom is TOO BUSY to work. I understand that she just want to support my needs.

But what I really need the most is her love and look at me like I'm her precious little child not just some child that needs her money to live. Don't she understand that. My mother is really smart but I don't know if she know the word LOVE.

That freaking word love I think she lack of it. She's a freaking genius but she don't have it. I don't wanna be like her.

I just realize that there's a tear sliding down in my cheeks. I can't help it my body shakes as I cover my mouth from sobbing loudly.

I feel so lonely.



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