Destroying a Monster (Xavier)

I Want You

Aubrey

I hurried and left his office shocked at myself. I felt flustered and my stomach was all tickly with butterflies. I had never felt anything like that in my life. I was not the kind of girl to grab onto a guy and start a makeout session but I couldn't stop myself. He was just so damn sexy. I know he wasn't mine, and that he allways said that we shouldn't be close but I wanted to be. I wanted to know everything about him.

The more I thought about the kiss, the more stressed I got. What if he got mad about it? This was Xavier, he hated when people were close to him. He always snapped when he thought I was at least. What if he started ignoring me again and went back to just acting like I didn't exist. He kissed me before but it was nothing like what I did. What if I just messed everything up?

Two hours. That's how long I worried about this. I had been trying to distract myself with TV but it wasn't working. I heard his office door open and shut and felt my stomach turn with nerves. About ten seconds later, he came into his bedroom where I was sitting on his bed.

"All done?" I asked trying to sound as normal as possible.

"Yeah," He said walking to his side of the bed and plopping down. He didn't say anymore. We sat in silence for around three minutes until I gave in.

"Look, I'm sorry okay?"

"Sorry?" I ignored the confusion in his voice.

"I shouldn't have just kissed you like that. I know how you don't like people close. I shouldn't have been so... forceful." It was the only word I could think of. "Don't be mad, okay? Please I don't want you to go back to ignoring me and I promise I won't do it again. I was just.. caught up in the moment, I guess, and I know you hate this but I do like you. But I know how you feel on the subject so I promise never again." I spit out all in one breath. I didn't look at him and he didn't speak right away. I felt him move on the bed so he was sitting up in front of me.

"You're right. I am mad. How dare you?" My stomach dropped at the low tone of his voice. I knew he'd be pissed. "What makes you think you can just kiss me like that and then promise to never do it again." What? I looked up at him confused. He didn't look mad.

"I don't understand. You aren't mad?" He raised his hand to trace my lips.

"Angel, you have turned my world upside down. I have never felt the things I feel when you are near and I know most of the time I get angry and try to push you away when it happens but I..." He looked into my eyes. "I am trying."

"What about you leaving when all this is over?" I whispered.

"I told you yesterday, I'm not going to be selfless enough to do you that kindness. I do always do what I want and get what I want and what I want is you." I could believe what he was saying. Was he finally saying he cared? I couldn't help but smile up at him.

"I want you too, Xavier." His forehead creased at my words.

"For now, Angel." He pushed a piece of my hair back. "But when you realize there is no happy ending with me you will want to leave." He pulled me to him, his black eyes staring daggers into mine "And I don't think I will let you."

"I'm not scared of you. I don't believe you are as heartless as everyone says you are." He put his forehead on mine and whispered,

"It's hard to have a heart, when you have stopped so many others." I wasn't afraid. I knew I should be, but I wasn't. He wouldn't hurt me and there was a part of me that knew I was already starting to love him. Every dark, cruel, distorted, terrifying thing about him drew me in because I knew under all of that there was a part of him that was worth saving. I sat up on my knees so he was having to look me straight in the eyes.

"I want you, Xavier. Stop trying to scare me away, you don't have to do that with me." He searched my eyes for a moment. Then out of nowhere he flipped us over so I was on my back and he was hovering over me.

"Don't you get it, Angel? I'm not trying to scare you, I'm trying to warn you. Just like I have from day one. Run from me, you don't deserve this darkness. I never want you to see that part of me." His voice begged me to hear him but his body held me to the bed refusing to let me up.

"Don't you get it?" I placed my hand on his cheek. "I'm not going anywhere." I leaned up as much as I could and kissed him, just for a second. I pulled away looking over his face. He looked over me with a new emotion in his eyes, one I'd never seen in them before. He leaned down and kissed me again, longer. I moved my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me. I felt his hands traveling down my body to the bottom of my shirt before hitching it up to my bra. He pulled me off the bed unclasping the hook of my bra then let his hand explore under the front of the material. I moaned as I felt warmth building up in my stomach and the need for more over taking my brain. I pushed my hips up to his with a desperate need to feel him.

"Angel, if you keep teasing me I won't be able to control myself." He whispered into my neck. I shivered in his arms as his breath tickled my skin. He let out a throaty moan when I did and moved his mouth down to my breast. I had never want anyone so bad in my life. I heard him groan. "Angel, you have no idea how much I want you." He said push himself off me. I sighed.

"But?"

"But I don't want to rush this with you. I have never done anything right in my whole life till you came into the picture and I don't want to ruin it. Not with you. I never want you to look back and feel used or regret this more than you one day will."

"Xavier," He put a finger on my lips to stop me.

"I just want to make sure you want this." He whispered. I could tell he was trying so hard to be good right now and it made me want him more.

"I want this."