ICARUS - Hawks x Reader

THIRTY FIVE: Divulge

***(Y/N) POV***

I didn't really have any reason for not going straight to bed when I had arrived home.

Perhaps it was because I was too riled up by my negative emotions, or maybe thanks to the eight double shot coffees I had ingested throughout the day. Either way, I wasn't headed to bed any time soon, knees tucked close to my chest on the couch, vacantly staring at some cheesy sitcom on the television.

When did it all go so wrong..?

Of course, I knew the answer to that. It had been the day my quirk had manifested. No, more like the pitch black night of my birth. Was I stupid, thinking that things could ever go right for me? I knew I had every chance to be like everybody else, but after the first blow I just hadn't been able to lift the weight that had been placed upon my shoulders. It wasn't something that could just be brushed off.

Hawks would be home within the hour, and I had no idea how to respond to him. My trust in him was beyond wavering, and even though he was my entire world, I wasn't sure how long I could keep it up for. Glancing to the mantel, I felt even worse when my (E/C) eyes swept across the engraved urn.

Akitsugu...I wish I could talk to you about all of this...

Externally, I didn't move a muscle when Hawks almost crashed through the skylight, much sooner than anticipated, but inside I was rattling like a rickety wagon. Refusing to even glance in his direction, I kept my eyes glued to the television.

"W..we need to talk..!" He announced, breathless as he stumbled over to the couch, sitting a respectable distance away from me. Gulping my build up of saliva back down my throat, I still didn't turn to him.
"About what? It never really seems like there's much to talk about anymore..."

This is just because you're scared...

I could hear his breath, almost like a refrigerator humming, and his pulse seemed to vibrate the cushions beneath us.
"Look...I know I've been distant...I've been a horrible person...husband...fa-" He stopped dead, pulling his legs up as he turned to face me directly, crossing them like an elementary schooler. "I..I've been a piece of shit. Believe me, (Y/N)...if I could tell you what was going on, I would...but this time I just can't do that..."

I could feel it. The acidic words trying to bubble and ooze their way up my throat so they could spill out all over him, and I wasn't trying very hard to keep it down anymore.
"I get it. That's more important, and I totally get it..."

Shut up! Don't act like a spoiled brat! Why am I doing this?!

"...but do you really think that's the only thing that's wrong here?" I dragged my hand away from my lap, reaching for the remote control and smashing the mute button a lot harder than I really needed to. Now, the silence was deadly, and invisible mines began to float through the air around us.

"No..." Hawks eventually ventured into the vocal fray, ready to move forward with what could easily be a conversation that would make or break everything we had together. "...You have every right to hate me...What do you even know about me, right? What do I even know about you..? From the outside looking in...we're just a pair of perfect strangers..."

Closing my eyes for a moment, I tuned out the radioactive glow of the television screen, twisting and shifting until I mirrored his position perfectly, finally daring to look him in the eyes.
"Hawks, you need to tell me right now...Did you know something was going to happen in Kyoto?"

Finally, the question that had been festering on the tip of my tongue since the day Benjiro and his mother had come to visit in the hospital. Things just began to add up after that. Hawks' secrecy, the way he tried to hide the fact he was going away, maybe even the shotgun marriage...