Divine Descent

Chapter Twenty-Two

"Three weeks, huh?"

The smoke from Akan's cigarette whiffs through the air, a swirling visualization of death.

"Yeah."

"Almost a month."

"I'm aware."

We're seated side-by-side on the bench of the bar, my arm linked with his. He peers down at me with an amused smile. "And you're still holding out on him."

"You sound impressed."

"You're outsmarting the devil. I probably wouldn't last a week."

"It's hard to hate the guy. As much as I want to believe he's the epitome of evil, I can't. He's been patient and gentle with me... even kind."

He passes the cigarette to me, exhaling. "Are you warming to him?"

"Romantically, no. Sometimes in other ways," I admit, reluctantly. "Sometimes when I start to think that it'll only go down from here. Times when I can't help but think I'm never going to see Elijah again."

"I didn't know that was a possibility. You've been so adamant."

"This place weakens me," I mutter bitterly. "But it empowers me too. I don't feel misplaced. I understand why all of this exists. I didn't used to. Samael makes sense... most of the time. Sometimes, he's a fucking lunatic."

The tobacco sits on my tongue, a sickening taste I've come to rely on.

"You seem angry," he observes softly, watching my features twitch with aggravation.

"Elijah doesn't deserve any of this."

"Life isn't fair. Do you think you deserve to suffer this?"

I shrug. "Sometimes. I've done bad things. I've made bad decisions."

He grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly. "You don't. Okay? You don't."

I lay my head on my shoulder, trying to hear him even though I'm trapped in my memories. "It was so much easier before, Akan. Elijah had this way... this way of looking at me. He'd kind of squint, like he were about to blink in sunlight. Only he wouldn't look away. He'd just stare at me, like I was the fucking sun or something."

Christ, the alcohol is getting to me.

I chuckle, flicking the cigarette. "I'm scared I'm... becoming this place. Like Samael."

"Maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe it's what is supposed to happen."

"He's shown me records, different millenniums that occurred before ours. It's all so similar. Like other worlds. There's so much we don't know, so much more."

"I'd be disappointed if there wasn't."

Our legs dangle over the side of a crumbling building, decrepit and full of beings that have no idea we're on the roof. Overhead is the infinite black void. Somewhere down below, Samael is holding a meeting, one I've opted out of so I don't have to pretend that I don't understand how this all works later on.

"You've really helped me through all of this," I whisper, offering him the cig. "It's easier to think positive with you nearby. You remind me of him... Elijah, I mean."

He smiles, caught off guard. "Really? You think so?"

I nod, leaning back on my palms. "Mmm."

"You know, I always wanted to be him. I wished so many times I could magically choose a new body. He was always so larger than life, like a phantom, a guide of sorts."